How Jurassic Park left me bruised....

My first year in the country, before I started working, I spent some time with friends who lived in Michigan. I don't know if this was coincidence or by design, but each of my fabulous friends took me out, and showed me around every day. It might have something to do with my efforts to help out at home by loading the dishwasher and turning it on after pouring in regular dish washing soap.

One of the best parts of this "showing around" was going to the movies (yeah, there wasn't much to do in MI 20 years ago). And the first one in the series was Jurassic Park! I could not control my excitement. This was an incredible treat, and of course, it came with popcorn during the movie and dinner after. What I did not know was that my friend, who had already seen the movie a couple of times, was still not completely over the "scary" parts of the movie. I did not see any danger in letting her hold on to me during the movie. Well, I realized soon that a "scary" scene was coming up shortly by the intensity of the pressure on my arm. I screamed before the scene as each new bruise appeared! Thankfully, it was a short movie, and I did enjoy the dinner after. Fortunately, we went to Cool Runnings the following day, a less dangerous movie.

Twenty years later, Jurassic Park and Cool Runnings continue to be amongst my favorite movies, and not just because they are great movies, but because of the memories. And my friend and I remained movie companions for years, watching many movies on opening night. She also happily delegated to me the role of movie companion to watch 'Star Trek' like movies with her husband.

So many memories, of which the funniest has to be the year we bought each other identical Valentine Day cards. She also organized a surprise 30th party for me (sigh, I hate surprise parties) to which she invited my closest friends, some of whom she had never met, and had to get very creative to get their contact information from me. But the most touching memory is the day of my very big graduation party at her house, when we both held hands and cried as we remembered the family members who were missing.

We now live on opposite coasts, but I think of her every time I go to the movies. I think of her when I miss my parents. I think of her when I wear a black belt and brown shoes (a story for a different day).

I love you, my dear friend, and I look forward to seeing you again very very soon!

Happy Birthday! And remember, no matter how old you get, I will always be older than you.

Identity, where do we come from, and where is home?

I stumbled upon Pico Iyer's Ted talk called "where is home" in my attempt to find something that could entertain me for at least 20 minutes while I struggled on the elliptical trainer. It is possible that I clicked on something other than "funny", but this had my full attention within a couple of minutes. And by a strange coincidence, the following week, I listened to a NPR podcast on 4 Ted talks which featured 4 people, including Iyer, on their journey and identity. These talks inspired me to think deeper about how I identify myself, particulary Iyer's statement that what you consider your home is not just the place where you sleep at night, but where you stand in life.

Pico Iyer's Ted talk - http://www.ted.com/talks/pico_iyer_where_is_home.html

NPR podcast on Identity - http://www.npr.org/2013/10/06/229879937/identities?showDate=2014-02-21

I love the rain!

The rain always brings special memories of my childhood and college days. It was a family tradition to welcome the first monsoon shower by stepping outside and literally dancing in the rain. The first rain showers were the sign of the end of the summer. I still remember the scent of the first rain, the petrichor, and wonder if you can still smell it now that there are fewer trees and more pollution where I grew up.

Although shopping for a new pair of gumboots was the highlight of the monsoon fashion season, often the water level on the streets was high enough to fill them and make them useless. Walking home from school involved several stops to take off the gum-boots and empty out the water. This was made harder by the fact that we had to carry our schoolbags on the top of our head so the books did not touch the water. Any challenges that the rain brought was quickly forgotten with a steaming cup of tea and the delicious pakoras. I still make, or at least dream of making pakoras when it rains.

The rain could be full of surprises, too. I took the train to south Bombay on my way to an interview, and got soaking wet because I was too close to the door. I enjoyed every minute of it, and knew that the interviewers would understand if I showed up in wet clothes. Well, it was sunny and dry at the destination, but the hospital I went to was kind enough to give me some towels to dry up, and scrubs to wear to the interview.

And there was the trip to Pune with my PT classmates! Wading through the water with suitcases on our heads, not thinking for a minute that the train to Pune would most likely be canceled. Fighting our way on to one of the few trains that was not canceled. And breathing a sigh of relief when it was only drizzling in Pune, not pouring as it was in Bombay.

My first rain in Chicago was very different. I wanted to go out and enjoy it, but it was April and a very cold 45 degrees Fahrenheit outside. I sat at the window and stared at the rain for hours, wishing to be consumed by the fragrance of the first rain.

I miss that rain. I don't miss the floods, and the challenges, but I have fond memories of those. Warm or cold, a drizzle or a thunderstorm, I absolutely love the rain!

Tandoori chicken - easy oven recipe

This is an easy recipe for a cold or rainy day that you can use to make Tandoori chicken in the oven. You can use the same ingredients for grilling. 

3lb chicken

For marinade:

1/2 cup yogurt

1 tsp ginger paste

1 tsp garlic paste

3 tsp red chilli powder (if you want it really spicy, or make it 2)

1 tsp corriander powder

1 tsp cumin powder

A pinch of turmeric

Salt to taste

1 tsp of any tandoori paste that you have

Fork the chicken, and marinate for at least 2 hours. 

Place the chicken on a flat baking dish. 

Cook at 450 degrees for 20 minutes, then broil it for 7 to 10 minutes to make it crispy.

If you have the patience to turn the pieces over, then broil for 5 to 7 minutes on each side. 

Squeeze lemon juice over the chicken before broiling, and after turning the pieces over. This will keep it juicy.  

Serve with freshly sliced onions and squeeze a little lemon juice on the top.

My Secrets of Adulthood

Inspired by Gretchen Rubin's list in the Happiness Project, I am creating my own goofer list: my Secrets of Adulthood. This list is a starting point, and I will add more secrets as they are revealed to me by myself.

It's okay to say No
You cannot be good at everything, and it is a waste of time trying
You can cook what you want, not what your guests want you to
What you do every day matters more than what you do once in while (from Rubin's list)
A movie or a book is not bad just because someone else says so
It is often more important to get something done, than to get it perfect 
You don't have to play pool to be cool
You can enjoy a football game without knowing the names of the players and all the statistics of the year
Coffee, or tea, is sometimes better than tequila 
Ibuprofen can be good for you
The company is often more important than the food
Being assertive and expressing an opinion does not make you mean
Having many best friends is better than having one
Helping others is more meaningful than a cocktail party
You don't always have to listen to criticism
Being scared of your accountability partners is pretty awesome
You can love someone more than you did 20 years ago

A Devi and a Rani

The literal translation of Devi is Goddess, and Rani is Queen. The titles were not earned, but were assigned during a mindless conversation during an April blizzard. The Devi cleared the roads in and around Chicago of the snow the blizzard left behind for the Rani who demanded it. And all this to travel to a class! That was almost twenty years ago, but the titles stuck.  

My friend, the Rani, is far from the demanding kind. She is everything we look for in a good human being. A daughter, who takes care of her parents; a sister, who always looks out for her siblings; a mother, who has sacrificed a great deal for her children; and a friend, who has held mine and many others’ hand when they needed it the most. 

Our memories together are countless, and include many tears – from laughing, from being mad at each other, and sometimes, tears of grief. Rani once convinced me and another terrified friend to switch theaters when the movie we bought tickets for turned out to be awful. That she fell flat on her face when trying to leave the theater was a sign to us that we had sinned badly. Once Devi, being the reasonable person that she is, asked Rani to sleep on the sofa so she could share her twin bed with another friend, Rani decided to dig herself in and not move. The result was 3 grown women sleeping in a twin bed, holding on tight to anything they could so as not to be tossed out when caught off guard. There were three very sore backs and very bad moods the following morning. 

As I write this post, I am overwhelmed and will probably have to write a book to cover everything I want to write. My parting note is something that brought tears to my eyes on the first day of 2014 – “Happy New Year, Devi. I am really sad about 2013 – it is the only year since I met you that I did not see you".

Happy Birthday, my darling! We may have missed 2013, but we will make up for it soon. And the miles between us will never change our memories and our love for each other.

Keep calm and love your lean in homework

This article is inspired by the Lean In education video titled “Creating a Level Playing Field” – http://leanin.org/education/creating-a-level-playing-field/

In one of her six solutions to reduce bias, Professor Shelley Correll suggests that women, especially those in leadership positions, should vouch for and endorse the competence of other women in their organization. We must highlight “her” accomplishments, skills and contributions, and also pay attention when expressing a subconscious bias (such as introducing women as warm, hard-working and helpful whereas using words like brilliant and highly skilled for men).

Prof. Correll points out that we can start using this solution right away, regardless of our position in the organization. Our circle took this a step further, and decided that we want to vouch for and recommend the women in our circle. The facilitator of our circle created a homework assignment in which a circle member partnered up with another woman in the circle, and got to know them over a 3 month period. At the end of the 3 months, they would write a LinkedIn recommendation for each other which highlighted the skills and talents that they learned of and recognized in their homework partner.

When I started this assignment, I was excited at the idea of making new friends and getting to know other women in different professions and at different career levels. The assignment made me focus on 2 important things. First, I would always present myself in the most positive way possible, and talk about my skills and talents with another woman. Secondly, I focused on asking questions that would make me learn of the positive things about my homework partner. Both of these were very rewarding, as I found myself practicing story telling in a positive way, and I learned so much about the career and personal life of my partner, and how their skills and contributions led them to their accomplishments.

My 3 months are up, and I am now focused on writing recommendations for the brilliant women I partnered up with. I have made new friends and learned so much about the life and careers of my homework partners, but most of all, I have learned that focusing on the positive in myself and others has inspired me to learn more about other women’s accomplishments, highlight my skills and those of others around me more, and to Lean In!

Spanish rice, with an extra oomph

My very own recipe, which I came up with after looking at a few online that did not quite have the oomph that the people I cook for and I like in our food. This serves approximately 12 people as a side.  

Ingredients

1 can (approx. 15 ounces) stewed tomatoes

1 ½ cup rice (washed and drained)

1 ½ cup water

Salt to taste (approx. 2 teaspoons)

1 tablespoon vegetable or olive oil

3 thai chillies, chopped very fine (add less or more to adjust the spice level – thai chillies are spicier than Serrano peppers, which can be used as a substitute)

1 onion, chopped into very small pieces

1 small tomato, chopped into small pieces

1 teaspoon cumin powder

2 teaspoons red chilli powder (you can use paprika if you can’t handle red chillies)

Green onions and cilantro for garnish

Mash the stewed tomatoes with potato masher or spin them in the food processor

In a medium saucepan, add the oil, and fry the chopped onions, thai chillies and tomato until the onions are translucent (or change color)

Add the rice and fry for 30 seconds stirring constantly so rice does not burn or stick to the pan

Add the cumin and chilli powder and mix well

Add the stewed tomatoes and water to the pan

Bring to a boil and then reduce heat to low

Cover and cook for approx. 15 mins or until rice is done

NOTE: Do not stir the rice when it’s cooking

Once cooked, take off the cover and let the rice cool down completely before lightly forking and transferring to serving dish

The rice can be warmed in microwave if needed

Garnish with green onions and cilantro and serve

Enjoy! 

Deseeding a pomegranate

Amazingly simple technique, demonstrated by Poonam in the video, has inspired all of us to smack a pomegranate. Here's to hoping that those of us who cheered her on will use her technique to deseed a pomegranate, and not just enjoy the seeds of the fruit!

Letting go and saying no, with confidence!

As I struggled with a decision, something happened that I found hard to ignore. I randomly skipped to a page in a book I am reading, that talks about letting go of friendships that have played their course. For someone who never gives up on friendships, I was not sure I even wanted to read this chapter, but decided to anyway. It was eye-opening to say the least, as it fit right into what I was feeling at the time. During lunch with friends on the same day, someone brought up FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), and the discussion reinforced my feelings. 

I will let go, I will say no. Saying no is part of letting go.

We say “yes” to many things that don’t make us happy. They don’t necessarily make us sad, but they are really situations you find yourself a part of just because the alternative is “missing out”.

“One of the simplest ways to stay happy is letting go of the things that make you sad”

If I don’t attend that dinner, I will “miss out” on seeing all the people I only get to see a couple of times a year. If you only see these people a couple of times a year, and don’t see them, speak to them or in any way, interact with them except for that dinner, is that relationship valuable?

“At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life”

If I don’t go to that networking event, I will “miss out” on meeting new people. I don’t have enough time to get to know better the people I met at past networking events. If I continue to see people on my social network profiles who I can’t even remember meeting, is attending one more event going to create a stronger network?

“A big part of letting go is recognizing when it is time to stay in a situation and when it is time to move on”

If I don't attend the upcoming baby shower of friends, I will “miss out” on the events in their life? Considering that we only learned of the engagement, wedding, pregnancy, and all other events in their lives through common friends, is it not enough that we learn about the rest of their lives in the same way?

“Letting go does not mean you stop caring, it means you stop trying to force others to”

Today, I said no to the networking event that will be of no further benefit to me as none of the people in that room will remember me and reach out to help me. I also said no to being part of a baby shower that we are invited to only because our common friends don’t know how to exclude us. And I will say no to that dinner to which I am invited in the future where once again, I will make small talk with people who will not remember me until the next dinner.

To say no with confidence, I also let go……