My joon

"joon" - from the word "jan" that means life, "joon" is an affectionate term used after a person's name, usually for a sister, daughter or close friend. 

My joon is beautiful inside and out, inspires everyone around her to be better, and as far as I know, is loved by one and all.

In September of this year, I started posting 3 daily gratitudes, and even blogged about it. My joon, who rarely checks Facebook, joked about when she would be featured as a gratitude. I always said that she would be featured as the 3rd gratitude on day 21, as I was saving the best for the last. Well, I continued posting past the 21 days, and just never came up with that special day when I posted her as my gratitude.

My joon, it's not because I didn't have anything to say, but it's because I had too much to say.

You are one of those special people who makes life beautiful just by being there, always extending a helping hand with a welcoming smile. Whether it is gracefully playing ping pong even when there is a good chance your opponent will win, carving a pumpkin with highly competitive and creative teams watching your every move, or pushing 300 lbs of canned food for our Second Harvest Challenge, you always bring your best self.

Wherever you go, you will be valued, cherished, and always missed by the people you spent your days with before.

Good luck with your new adventure!

Celebrating memories and making new ones - a blog for my birthday

I had a milestone birthday this month. At 46, I have outlived my mother, who we lost very early in life. With every passing birthday, I wonder what it would be to have her around today, and how life would be different with her in it. Although a mother is irreplaceable in pretty much every way, the people in my life have made it easier for me to navigate life with their love, kindness, generosity, and of course, their patience.

On this birthday, I am grateful for the people who have always held my hand, and nudged me along to make it possible for me to be where I am today.

I am grateful that I started my birthday month by visiting friends who I have known for more than 25 years. It helped that they presented me with birthday gifts - beautiful, practical, and small enough to fit in my bag. The origami flower didn't keep it's shape, but I am still keeping it.

I am grateful that I spent more time with my new friends from around the world before they made their journey back home.

I am grateful that I hugged the amazing woman who risked a lot to come here, and who does not know how she will get back to her home country. 

I am grateful that every year, thanks to the advances in technology, I am able to cherish birthday messages from family and friends around the world. Of course, I am grateful for my Smartphone that allowed me to multi-task between calls, text messages, Facebook, and Whatsapp so I didn't miss any birthday greetings.

Happy birthday to me!

 

Making a connection, building a bond

When I received confirmation that I was selected to be a Techwomen Cultural Mentor, I was ecstatic! I could not wait to find out more about my Emerging Leader, who is from Algeria, and connect with her. And while I waited for an email from her, the uncertainty set in - what if we don't connect, what if we have nothing to talk about, what if we have nothing in common?

Sara, my mother's name. Sarrah, my niece, named after my mother. And Sarra, the name of my Emerging Leader, the first thing in common. When I received the very warm and loving email introduction, my first response was to tell her that she had my mother's name. When I first met her on a Skype call, and she told me that this would be her first time leaving her country, and even getting on a plane, I found the other common thread. And when I asked her what airline she was flying, it turned out it was Lufthansa, the same airline I took when I arrived in the US. Wait, there is more! I was the same age as Sarra when I left Bombay to come to the US!

Needless to say, we connected instantly, in the first email, over the Skype call, and in that first very special hug when we met in person. Spending the day with her has already enriched my life. In her, I see so many young women who aspire to do great things, break barriers, and accomplish the impossible. I am looking forward to the one month that I get to spend with her and the other Emerging Leaders who are here from many different countries.

A big Hurray for the amazing Emerging Leaders of Techwomen 2014!!

Simple gratitudes

It is just a coincidence that around the same time that several of my Facebook friends started posting 3 things they are grateful for for five days, I happened to watch 2 TED talks that touched on this. Well, not touched on it but were about the importance of actively thinking of what we are grateful for. The first, the happy secret to better work by Shawn Achor, is highly entertaining even as it touches on some very serious points about happiness. And unlike the easy five day challenge, he wants people to list the 3 gratitudes for 21 days. I loved the talk and subconsciously practiced some of the things that come up in a slide towards the end of the talk, but it was the 3 A's of awesome by Neil Pasricha that inspired, and continue to inspire, my daily list.

Shawn's talk inspired me to take action, and Neil's talk inspired me to keep it simple. I have always believed that happiness comes from appreciating the simple things that surround us and have an impact on us everyday.

When I saw the elderly woman who walks her dog every day after a week's absence, it made me happy. The full moon, which I always take a picture of (only to delete it when I am out of storage), excites me. The cat that runs off when I walk to the window makes me smile. When someone patiently waits for me as I back out of a parking space (usually very very slowly), I want to sing with joy. I also want to get out of the car and thank them, but that would really try their patience!

So yes, I am grateful for my amazing family and friends, the lovely house I live in, the opportunities I have had in life, and the fact that I have the means to write about this. But I am most grateful for the little things that happen to remind me that happiness is not just about the big moments in life, but about the little joys and pleasures that surround us at every moment. Having said that, I am most grateful for the people who don't take me for granted (I think that falls into my biggest gratitudes bucket).

To quote a friend's comment from Facebook - "I love how simple and in the moment your gratitudes are".

And yes, I am also grateful that you read my blog!

Leaning In with Merline Saintil

The Palo Alto Lean In Circle had the pleasure of hosting Merline Saintil at our August meeting. To many of us, she is a celebrity who is number 6 on the Business Insider's list of 22 most powerful women engineers. However, there was nothing celebrity-like with her interactions with the 50 people in that room. She was honest and generous with her insights, and connected so well with the people in the room that it almost felt like talking to a long-time friend.

In the Q&A session, Merline provided very valuable insights. I am still in awe of her, and also want to quote a few other members who attended -  

“Merline was amazing. Such a gifted inspiring person. We were lucky to be able to meet her in such an intimate setting”

“I was so happy to attend and hear "HER STORY" she is so smart and I loved her humble viewpoints on the Silicon Valley bubble also”

“Great presentation by Merline Saintil and great questions by the circle participants!”

Merline not only provided us with her pearls of wisdom, but stayed for almost an hour after to talk to many of us, and even did what many members do after being asked to vacate the room - hang out in the parking lot and continue the conversation. 

Merline, I cannot express in words how grateful we all for sharing your evening with us, and inspiring so many women! A special thank you for signing my notes! 

I am sharing my notes from the evening with everyone, as wisdom like this is powerful, and will make each one of us happier "in our own skin". 

Staying relevant and being authentic were weaved into many of Merline’s responses. She spoke candidly about happiness at work and career pivots, and emphasized the value of relationships and networking. 

Some of Merline’s insights on women and careers: 

·         Network, network, network

·         Happiness with your career comes from what you are good at intersecting with what you are passionate about

·         Spend an hour every week on reflection

o    Women juggle so many responsibilities at work and home that they sometimes forget to spend time on themselves

o    Reflect on what / where are the gaps, ask for coaching or help from friends

·         Stay relevant

o    Even if you are juggling roles at work, or are working in a generalized area, make sure you are honing your skills with side projects

·         Balance is a myth

o    Focus on an equal partnership

o    Women can achieve more with sharing responsibilities at home than doing it all

·         Career pivots can be great opportunities to grow

o    Be honest with yourself, and be intentional about what you want from a certain experience

o    Try something new, and figure out how you can make an impact

o    What are your interests and how can you make a contribution

o    Always look at the risks and rewards of making a change

o    Before making a pivot, validate it is what you want by finding a way to experience it

·         The “wow” factor - once this wears off, start looking for a change

o    Don’t stay if you are not performing at your peak, or getting bored

·         Focus on your own definition of success

o    Find a way of measuring your own success

o    What success looks like to you is what will make you happy

o    Be comfortable in your own skin wherever you are

·         Be authentic

·         Careers are about relationships - build your network

·         Change is the only constant

·         Manage your own time and determine priorities

Merline also had candid responses to the questions on lack of women in STEM and leadership roles, and the recent diversity numbers released by Silicon Valley companies. Fewer women in the pipeline is a big factor in the lack of women in the STEM workforce. She encouraged women in STEM careers to stay in the workforce, and find ways to make career pivots. As more women get into leadership positions at major companies, the trend will also change for women on boards. 

She also asked women in the room to promote organizations that encourage young girls to pursue STEM careers - and of course, make sure that you are practicing this at home and with your own friends and family. The investment in coding programs for girls by major companies is a step in the right direction, but each one of us can do more.

My takeaways from the conversation:

·         Stay relevant

·         Change is constant

·         Make an impact

·         Be authentic

·         Network, network, network

Life is full of happy coincidences

July 26th, just another ordinary day for many but a wedding anniversary for two amazing couples I am lucky to have in my life. As I was looking at their beautiful pictures on Facebook, I was also searching for some documents for my niece. I did not find the documents, but I found a lot of old pictures, some of which were happy memories with one of these friends. Of course, I found even more pictures as I went through a shelf that hasn't been touched in a long time. 

A few texts and messages later, once all the newly discovered pictures were shared, I decided to catch up on other messages. Well, there were two messages about why I was slacking off on blogging. I am behind, maybe, but not slacking off, at least that is my excuse and I am sticking with it. Both friends had specific requests for recipes, which I promise will be posted soon. The best part about the “slacking off” messages – a friend’s 13 year-old son reminded his mom that I had not posted anything in a month! 

The discovery of old pictures was also a reminder of some people I have lost track of over the last few years. That is no longer the case – some of the texts also led to discovering lost friends via other friends, and of course Facebook!

In a few short hours today, I have discovered old pictures, found lost friends, talked about some foods that I enjoyed so much with my friends, and found out that people do read my blog. 

Happy weekend! 

What makes you happy at the end of a rough day?

It was a rough day, in many ways. On my way home, I did not think I could hold one more thought, and just wanted to go to bed! And then I saw the text message, "hey, are we still on for 7pm?". This was not a dinner or movie outing. It was a call with a young woman I am mentoring. We had planned a Skype call at 7pm for her to practice interview questions, and I was wondering if I would be able to even listen past the first few words!

It was the best part of my day!

The minute I got on the call, I saw the face of someone who wants my help and appreciates it. I saw someone who is struggling more than the person who practically ruined my day. And every cell in my body switched into mentor mode.

One of my coworkers, a person who I admire and highly respect, spoke about empathy a couple of weeks ago, and presented the concept of filling someone's bucket with a little happiness. The one thing I do every morning is fill hers by thanking her.

I will go to bed tonight feeling very rewarded that I made a small impact on someone's life. If you are in a position to make a difference in someone's life, the time to do it is now.

Energized by change

Maybe for only one reason - I did so much, none of it would be associated with weekend fun activities, and felt amazingly energized, and almost repeated everything on Sunday!

I slept in (which means I woke up after 7 am), and spent an hour thinking about what I can do with the day ahead. Loaded the dishwasher, did the only load of laundry that did not get done last week, watched some training videos for work (yes, I did that!), and when a friend asked me if I had been to the gym already, I completely panicked, and went to the gym. Wait, there is more - I decided that I could not be bothered to cook after returning from the gym, so I cooked fried rice (my recipe, of course), and then I went to the gym.

And before I put away the laptop for the weekend, I realized that I am a little behind with my goal of 2 to 3 posts per month. So now is as good time as any to write a post, and achieve half that goal, too!

In conclusion, I had an extremely busy, exhausting, a little bit scary and overwhelming week. I felt great, and then I felt like a fish out of water, and then I felt great again, and well, the cycle continued. But at the end of the week, I felt energized. The energy comes from loving what I do, and being surrounded by people who know how to be human.

Change always energizes me! It is scary, overwhelming but I love the challenges and opportunities that change brings. As I write this, some of my former colleagues, who are also my friends, are going through a major change in their life. A change they did not choose, and a change that will impact them in a very challenging way.

To my friends - it is easy for me to say from where I am sitting, but sometimes life offers you opportunities in unanticipated ways. You are all such amazing human beings, with so much to offer. People who choose to loose you are not winners.

Stay strong, stay happy, and good luck with everything!

VHS and curd rice, and other happy memories triggered when grieving

I missed writing a birthday post these last few weeks as I could not focus on a birthday when surrounded by grief. When I finally started writing one, all I thought about was the person whose news of passing away I had received last. There were more than a few over the last few weeks, and I finally decided to write this post, because going through the emotions of grieving, I also remembered many happy things. After all, that is what matters the most when you think about the life someone lived and what you shared with them.

In college, I had many friends and like most people, I had those few special and close friends who make every day beautiful (at least now that I am past being annoyed with them for some reason or another). A great benefit that came with these friends was getting to know their families, and I grew to love and admire their parents having spent so much time with them over the years. Although I haven't been back in many years, visiting them is always on my "most important things to do" list.

My friend from Chembur

We lived in different places, but changed buses in the morning so we could take the same bus to college on most days. We always took the same bus to the transfer point in Sion after college. We took turns sitting by the window. And during the holidays, we got together at the transfer point in Sion to go to the movies. And some days, we had sleepovers. She lived all on the outskirts of the city from where you could actually see green fields, a rarity anywhere in the city, and of course, it does not exist today. Her building had a trash chute, and I could not help checking it out several times as I had never seen one before! And of course, like most of our mothers, her Mummy was an amazing cook. The great thing about having a diverse group of friends is that you get to try so many cuisines. I guess that without realizing it, I was a big foodie even back then, and was always ready to try something new. When she messaged me about a month ago, and told me about her mother's death, my first memory was that of aunty's curd rice recipe. I told my friend that I still make curd rice just like aunty did, and I think of her every time I eat it. Of course, it never tastes that good, but it brings back so many memories. Where other friends requested the more fancy Punjabi dishes when aunty prepared a meal for us, I always asked her to make a small portion of curd rice just for me. I made curd rice that afternoon as a celebration of the memories I have of her.

My friend from Worli

Talking about food and the diversity of cuisines, can you imagine eating food cooked ony with ingredients that are seasonal, not because it is the current trend, but a way of life? In a fast paced world, where buying the easily available ingredients and making a really quick meal is a priority, my friend's parents, both of whom worked full time, always managed to make this work. Her father was easily manipulated into getting her what she wanted, including a puppy as a birthday gift one year. Of course, she being the responsible person that she always is, took care of the puppy, and followed all the agreed upon rules. He also made himself scarce when we stayed up all night watching videos - the VCR kind, of course (remember VHS, NTSC, PAL/SECAM?). He was always confident that she would make the right decisions, even early in life. And of course, he gave us a ride late in the night after many college events, especially during Navratri. When talking about him with my friend a couple of hours after he passed away, I could see his smiling face, and remembered how tall he was. Yes, all of us admired how tall he was, and even on our busy college campus (he was a professor in the medical school), I always saw him with that amazing smile.

And many others......

After returning from a glorious vacation in Kauai, with some of the closest people in my life, I was looking forward to a week that would be busy but full of wonderful discussions about my trip. Unfortunately, I got the news of the death of my coworker's mom a day later. I had never met her mother, but I knew of her as a sassy, full of life person who brought a lot of joy to the life of her children and grandchildren. Thinking about her brought back many many happy memories of my Mummy and Nani, and I also remembered the pain of the days after their passing away. Every day, I felt this grief when I did not see my coworker at work. Two weeks later, I received the news of the sudden passing away of someone on a team I supported at work. It made no sense as she was at work 2 days earlier. There were others who I did not know very well but were close to some of my friends. But it was the news of my friend's father that finally made me break down.

Now I am setting those emotions free. Rest in peace, all the lovely souls who have passed on these last few weeks. I will always cherish the happy memories. 

Simple Okra - 2 recipes for the price of one!

A lot of people do not like okra because it is sticky. I have been able to cook the okra recipes below without their being slimy or sticky :). The first important thing is to make sure not to use okra from the frozen vegetables section (that is fine for gumbo, but not for my recipes), and to buy the smaller, more tender okra from either an Indian grocery store, or other produce stores that carry them. Sometimes you will find them at the local farmer's market, too. The second thing is - wash and dry the okra before you slice or chop it. Washing it after cutting it can make it retain moisture that can make it sticky.

Recipe 1 - Dry spicy okra
2 lbs okra, heads off, sliced lengthwise into half
1tsp salt
2tsp red chili powder
Pinch of turmeric
Half tsp coriander powder
1tbsp oil

Add oil to a non-stick pan at high heat and wait until it is warm. Add the okra and the other spices to the pan. Stir to mix. Cook at medium heat, uncovered, for about 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. The okra should be tender and about half its original size when cooked. It is very important that you do not add water during cooking, and do not cover the pan, as this will make the okra sticky.

Serve as a side with rice, or eat it with a roti or a paratha.

Recipe 2 - Okra with onions
2 lbs okra, heads off, cut in half inch round pieces
One small onion, sliced thinly
1tsp salt
2tsp red chili powder
Pinch of turmeric
Half tsp coriander powder
1tbsp oil

Add oil to a non-stick pan at high heat, add onions once warm. Fry the onions until they change color, and then add the okra and the other spices to the pan. Stir to mix. Cook at medium heat, uncovered, for about 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. The okra should be tender and about half its original size when cooked. It is very important that you do not add water during cooking, and do not cover the pan, as this will make the okra sticky.

The addition of the onions makes the second recipe less dry, and this can be eaten with rice, rotis or parathas.

Finding nature, an article by a fellow blogger

In honor of Earth Day, I want to share a blog article by someone I met on Earth Day 2 years ago. There are many similarities in her story and my childhood growing up in Bombay. I was fortunate to observe the ants that she did and maybe a few other critters, but no lilac bushes unfortunately. 

http://woodswomanwrites.com/2014/04/22/earth-day-reflections-finding-nature-in-an-urban-childhood/

Prawn curry

This recipe does not have all the ideal ingredients as I created it out of the few available options in the fridge and pantry. I just got lucky that I had prawns in the freezer.

Ingredients:
2lb prawns, peeled and deveined
I cup yogurt (coconut milk can be used as a substitute, and is found in many recipes)
I medium onion, chopped
1 tomato, chopped
2 green chillies, chopped
2 tsp salt
2 tsp coriander powder
1 tsp chilli powder
1 garlic clove, chopped
2 tbsp oil

Fry the onions until they change color and are translucent. Add the chopped green chillies and garlic and fry for 30 seconds. Add the coriander and chilli powder, fry for 10 seconds and immediately add the chopped tomato and salt. Mix the ingredients well before adding the prawns. Make sure that the prawns are coated well with the other ingredients. Turn down the heat to medium, and let the prawns cook for 5 minutes. Add the yogurt or coconut milk, and simmer for 10 minutes. Let it sit for 5 minutes to soak up the flavors before serving with a side of rice. You can garnish with cilantro - I just did not have any in the fridge!

Enjoy!

How Jurassic Park left me bruised....

My first year in the country, before I started working, I spent some time with friends who lived in Michigan. I don't know if this was coincidence or by design, but each of my fabulous friends took me out, and showed me around every day. It might have something to do with my efforts to help out at home by loading the dishwasher and turning it on after pouring in regular dish washing soap.

One of the best parts of this "showing around" was going to the movies (yeah, there wasn't much to do in MI 20 years ago). And the first one in the series was Jurassic Park! I could not control my excitement. This was an incredible treat, and of course, it came with popcorn during the movie and dinner after. What I did not know was that my friend, who had already seen the movie a couple of times, was still not completely over the "scary" parts of the movie. I did not see any danger in letting her hold on to me during the movie. Well, I realized soon that a "scary" scene was coming up shortly by the intensity of the pressure on my arm. I screamed before the scene as each new bruise appeared! Thankfully, it was a short movie, and I did enjoy the dinner after. Fortunately, we went to Cool Runnings the following day, a less dangerous movie.

Twenty years later, Jurassic Park and Cool Runnings continue to be amongst my favorite movies, and not just because they are great movies, but because of the memories. And my friend and I remained movie companions for years, watching many movies on opening night. She also happily delegated to me the role of movie companion to watch 'Star Trek' like movies with her husband.

So many memories, of which the funniest has to be the year we bought each other identical Valentine Day cards. She also organized a surprise 30th party for me (sigh, I hate surprise parties) to which she invited my closest friends, some of whom she had never met, and had to get very creative to get their contact information from me. But the most touching memory is the day of my very big graduation party at her house, when we both held hands and cried as we remembered the family members who were missing.

We now live on opposite coasts, but I think of her every time I go to the movies. I think of her when I miss my parents. I think of her when I wear a black belt and brown shoes (a story for a different day).

I love you, my dear friend, and I look forward to seeing you again very very soon!

Happy Birthday! And remember, no matter how old you get, I will always be older than you.

Identity, where do we come from, and where is home?

I stumbled upon Pico Iyer's Ted talk called "where is home" in my attempt to find something that could entertain me for at least 20 minutes while I struggled on the elliptical trainer. It is possible that I clicked on something other than "funny", but this had my full attention within a couple of minutes. And by a strange coincidence, the following week, I listened to a NPR podcast on 4 Ted talks which featured 4 people, including Iyer, on their journey and identity. These talks inspired me to think deeper about how I identify myself, particulary Iyer's statement that what you consider your home is not just the place where you sleep at night, but where you stand in life.

Pico Iyer's Ted talk - http://www.ted.com/talks/pico_iyer_where_is_home.html

NPR podcast on Identity - http://www.npr.org/2013/10/06/229879937/identities?showDate=2014-02-21