Revisiting goals and creating existential problems #frivolous #goals #existential #problems

A little over a year ago, I made some frivolous goals - When the going gets tough, make some frivolous goals. I was afraid of revisiting that blog post since I didn’t think I had accomplished any of those, but I was pleasantly surprised that I did make some progress.

It’s not like they were SMART goals. Specific – yes, Measurable – somewhat, Achievable – absolutely, Realistic – of course, Timely – possibly. Okay, so there were somewhat SMART goals, but once written, shared, laughed at, and received feedback on, some of them didn’t quite make the top 10 priority list. Therefore, I will do things a little differently for 2018 by revisiting the previous goals and then focusing on some existential problems in future posts.

Update on previous goals

Perfect hair coloring technique

Result – Achieved! Not in that I perfected the technique, but I found a stylist closer to home who I trust, and get my hair colored more frequently. And it’s perfect, so I check this off as Achieved! Now, it would be no fun if there was no back story to the new stylist, right? First visit was a success. Second visit – salon empty, lights switched off, door locked! How could I scare off someone from coloring my hair? It turns out that since my stylist and I have similar names, she added her name to her calendar instead of mine, had a good laugh at scheduling an appointment for herself on the calendar, and went home early!

Make three pairs of boots as good as new

Result – So not achieved, and worse, it’s now four pairs of boots! I think the only intact one has a tiny tear that will soon expand into a more noticeable one. In the meantime, I won 2 gift cards to a local cobbler that I haven’t used, and bought several pairs of new shoes including the currently trendy booties. I also purchased (and returned) two fabulous new pairs of knee high boots which were the right foot size and the right shin length but were clearly not designed for my slender calves. This is, therefore, marked – Not Achieved! And there’s no back story either. It is back on the list for 2018.

Fix the Wii

Result – WHAT WAS I THINKING? Fix the Wii? Where have I been? The goal is 100% achieved by replacing the old Wii with a Fire Stick upstairs and Apple TV downstairs. The first accomplished soon after writing that goal, and the second while trying to figure out how to mirror a movie I created on the iPad that I wanted to share with an audience on the new TV. Of course, since then, newer and better versions of both have been released, and I will soon be behind the times again.

Ride on the Hyde-Powell cable car with a billowing cape

Result – Not Achieved! I have no excuses but I can blame it on the lack of interest by other participants, maybe. I will cautiously add this to the 2018 list, and with or without a cape, I will jump on the Hyde-Powell train next time I’m in the vicinity.

We can’t do everything, but we can do something

Result – Achieved! Not with serious blogs and nagging, but stepping up and doing more. By reaching out to people who were struggling emotionally. By reading more, learning more, channeling my frustration into the right actions with the help of those who are more knowledgeable and doing so much. And by staying focused on what is still good, and how each one of us can’t do everything, but we can do something.  

In 2018, I will focus on some existential problems. They are my existential problems, and may not carry the same weight or any weight at all for you, so please approach with the right amount of cynicism and sense of humor. So long! 

When the going gets tough, make some frivolous goals

Since none of the thoughtfully written meaningful blogs are hitting the completion point, I am going to break the drought by publishing a slightly frivolous list of 2017 goals.

Perfect hair coloring technique

My awesome stylist suggested I try coloring my own hair in between visits. The first two attempts earlier this year provided no results as I didn't leave the color in long enough (followed instructions that didn't help). So, I decided to leave it in for not twice, but three times longer than recommended time. Better results, but not "stylist" perfect. At the next attempt, I added the color, did some chores, watched tv, listened to a podcast while I walked around the house, and about 3 hours later, I washed my hair. Well, it was kind of perfect except it was about 4 shades darker than my natural hair color!! I gasped every time I looked in the mirror at the stranger with very dark hair.

Make three pairs of boots as good as new

During a tragic customer call, while my awesome teammates held their head in shock, I jumped into action, and decided to kick the trash can with all the fury I could generate. It had no impact on my teammates shock, but it ripped my boots. People who noticed the tear on the side of the boot assured me that it wasn't really noticeable. I put the pair aside, until small tears mysteriously appeared on two other pairs. Since going to the cobbler isn't really an easy thing to do, I planned all boot-wearing occasions around the last intact pair, which severely limited my ability to pick clothes. Over a few months, I forgot about the tears. Wore the brown boots and noticed that my socks were wet after stepping into a puddle. Took the smartest boots to wear to Kinky Boots, and noticed an expanding tear on the side of the boot when attempting to sit fashionably with the 4-inch heel pointed just right. I am now back to using the one surviving pair and planning clothing around it. The urgency of visiting the few existing neighborhood cobblers has increased significantly!

Fix the Wii 

The TV downstairs is not a "smart" TV, and we have managed to use the dinosaur to watch Prime movies using the Wii. But then we did something smart and got a smart TV for upstairs, and DirectTV with a new internet connection. With the smart TV apps, I have discovered an amazingly unlimited supply of award winning shows on Prime, Netflix and Hulu that make real TV irrelevant and a waste of time! However, sitting in bed during a binge session of 4 episodes of Man in the High Castle or Stranger Things has resulted in neck and back pain. It's also way too bright upstairs during the day. But the Wii does not work like it should, and I have just not devoted enough time to troubleshooting so I can watch Prime and Netflix on the dinosaur TV downstairs from the comfortable sofa!

Ride on the Hyde-Powell cable car with a billowing cape

After wearing a tutu all day in Disneyland for two little girls and a grown up bestie, I have been increasingly but only slightly braver about costumes. I made a tshirt for the Super Hero run to wear with the cape. Well, I bought the plain shirt and paint, and made a friend paint it, but same thing, right? So, when I recently found out that some of my Super Hero friends have not been on the spectacular Hyde-Powell line the right way - on the outside, screaming like you are on a roller coaster when you go over the steep hills, I decided that must happen. And what better way to do it than with our billowing capes? We will save some lives and kill a vampire or two while we are at it.

We can't do everything, but we can do something

I know you either love me enough to read this far or just love my writing. The most frivolous of all is my goal to nag people into reading my upcoming more serious blogs. Nag people to rise above helpnessness and despair, and take action. I need to nag others so I can feed off their positive energy and do more myself. If you read this far and laughed with me, please return the favor and make someone smile. And if you can save the life of a human being who has no place to turn, please donate to SAMS, an organization that selflessly and tirelessly works with desperate people in Syria.

If you prefer something different, please read the below article by Nicholas Kristoff, a personal superhero whose recommendations carry a lot of weight.

Forget the Tie. Give a Gift That Matters.

What I learned from Relay For Life #volunteering

Many of my friends and coworkers have heard me say that I learned the best project management and leadership skills from my 3 years on the leadership team at the Relay For Life of Belmont / San Carlos, two of which I chaired. But that's only a fraction of what I really learned, and the most valuable lessons came from the weekly interactions for the months spent in organizing the events. 

• Do not underestimate the power of human kindness
• Grief is a powerful emotion, use it well 
• No one "has" time to volunteer - those who are motivated "make" time
• When some volunteers drive you crazy, always remember why they are there and your common purpose
• The most important thing in fundraising is the "ask" - if you don't ask, you don't get
• Don't be afraid of, and be offended by, hearing a "no" - not everyone believes in the same causes you do
• Find the right people, train them, and get out of their way - if you can't trust people, they won't be inspired by your leadership
• Practice empathy - it is better than preaching it
• Be grateful - for what you have, what you are capable of doing if you try, and simply recognizing that you can make a difference
• Know when to walk away, even from something you love and are passionate about

This list is not complete, but I am fighting the urge to make this perfect (which means it may not be posted for a very long time).

Parting thought for now - be inspired by kindness, and volunteer for a cause because each one of us can make a difference. My experience with Relay inspired me to volunteer for many other causes, some of which I loved, and some - well, cutting sheetrock was just not my thing :).

Pride, prejudice and my secrets of adulthood #pride #equality

At dawn, it dawned on me that it is the last day of the month, and once again I am scrambling to meet my self-imposed deadline for a blogpost. In what I considered to be a difficult month to be inspired to write a joyful gratitude blog, I ended up discovering that we are surrounded by many. Sometimes you have to look, but they are always there. And this led me to create my next list of "my secrets of adulthood". Unfortunately, some gratitudes may be accompanied with a  rant, a sad reflection on the time we live in. 

I ended my blog with my second list of "my secrets of adulthood" with the following comment from my favorite television personality. 

"The best defense against bullshit is vigilance. If you smell something, say something" - Jon Stewart

This is even more true today than a year ago when he said it. In a month that has challenged all of us in still believing in the goodness in humanity, I am truly blessed and will boast that I am surrounded mostly by people who believe in equality, not just for their own kind, but for everyone in the world. More about this in the last paragraph of the blog, but first, my next list of "my secrets of adulthood".

I will kick it off with one that is a repeat from the previous two lists:

What you do every day matters more than what you do once in while (from Rubin's list)
Challenging ignorance is probably the best thing you can do for everyone

Expressing an opinion makes you stronger, when that opinion is based on facts

My marriage has never been and never will be threatened by the marriage of my gay friends

A glass of wine does not fix problems, but it helps put them in perspective

It's okay to be a tad bit, little bit or immensely jealous of other people's adventures

Accepting and admitting your weaknesses makes you stronger, if you work on changing them

Accepting your friends' weaknesses makes your relationships stronger 

And lastly, reconnecting to the first part of my blog -
If you can't challenge your own friends on their bigotry, racism and / or xenophobia, you have no right to discuss how to change the world. 

A few days ago, I took it upon myself to say something when I read some total bullshit in posts by a Mexican-American friend who hates Trump for obvious reasons, but openly posted that she used to think all Muslims are terrorists until.... and posted a video that had somehow transformed her thinking. She went on to encourage and applaud the 2 people who added hateful comments in response to her post. As I did not want to get in the middle of their love-fest for hating other people, I sent her a private message calling her out. Her response - my cousin is a radical, I should just block him. It never occurred to her that he was responding to her statement. I openly challenged classmates on their ignorance when Prop 8 was on the ballot in 2008. That battle was lost not because of religious views but sheer ignorance of those who believe everything they see in a TV ad. It was particularly horrifying to me that these were graduate students with access to information, and chose not to use their brains. 

I truly believe that there is more good than evil, and more good people than evil people in the world. Although it does not feel like it on some days, we are in many ways better off today and will be in the future. This is possible because we have access to more easily available information more than ever before. However, information is not absorbed by breathing - you have to research, know how to look for facts v/s rhetoric, and be open to evolving as a person. Don't blame your culture, your upbringing and lack of knowledge, and don't let others get away with those excuses either. I know my opinions have evolved over the last two decades, and I believe that if you truly believe in equality, it has to be equality for all, no matter their race, ethnicity, religion and sexual orientation. 

I dedicate this blog to the lives lost at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, to those killed at Ataturk airport in Istanbul, to those who are discriminated against because of how they identify themselves in society, and the brave people who stand up for the rights of others. 

A December to remember - so much to be grateful for

January 2015 promises to be a very busy month at work. At a busy time, it is very important to stay focused and be grateful for all the little things that enrich our lives. I will dedicate the first blog of 2016 with a few of my gratitudes from December. 

I kicked off the first weekend in December by a visit to the salon to color my hair (yes, one of the secrets to my youthful looks), and spending the rest of the day with my cousin, more like my daughter. I wrote about her in my January birthday blog last year - Three birthdays and a joyful blog. I love having her around, and wish I saw more of her. And of course, the weekend would not be complete without hiking with a couple of my favorite people. I am grateful that I have the always amazing Jassi and my hiking buddy, Fabiana in my life. 

The next one is a gratitude I posted on Facebook - "Gratitude for today - all my American friends who shared this post and condemned Trump, going as far as asking people who agreed with Trump to unfriend themselves. They make me proud." This gratitude came out of an unpleasant and negative emotion, and I had to give a shout out to those who had the courage to stand up for Muslims in the United States. I will add that almost all of these posts were from friends on Facebook who are neither Muslims nor immigrants. I am grateful that despite the negativity in the mainstream media and on social media, I have friends who are open-minded, can think for themselves, and have the courage of their convictions. 

Needless to say, all the drama and negativity generated by the anti-Muslim rhetoric was washed away on the weekend with a beautiful hike when Geralyn and I bravely ventured out to Edgewood County Park, unafraid of the mountain lion signs posted at the beginning of the trail. The #newnormal of doing new things continued. I braved a heavy thunderstorm to drive to a nursing home in Daly City to support Geralyn's choir. My intention was to blend into the crowd, smile at everyone, and cheer the choir. Much to my disbelief, and likely the agony of the listeners, I stood next to Geralyn, and sang every carol. Escorting Aleya around to give out gift bags to the residents, and seeing the joy in their faces, was worth every second of anxiety over the singing. I am grateful to have people like Geralyn in my life, who inspire me to be a better person. I am also grateful that I now have a Santa hat. 

On December 15th, my Facebook memories had a picture that made me smile for hours. It was of a cardboard laptop built by the students in the first Junior Achievement class I had the privilege of teaching. I still have all the individual thank you notes, and chuckle over one note that said, "Fayeza, thanks for wasting your time with us". It was supposed to say, "spending your time with us". I am grateful that I had the privilege of volunteering at an elementary school with kids who I learned from more than I taught them. Because of them, I conquered my fear of standing in a room with 30 curious kids with questions that were often tough. I miss that experience, and am very happy that I got the opportunity when I worked at Oracle. Special thanks to Jay Patel who is an advocate for the program, and led it for many years when he was at Oracle. 

And then, just before the weekend, I got to see my joon. Almost a year later, which is kind of sad, but it felt like no time had passed since we last saw each other. It was also an evening out with Jeni and Mark, and tequila was involved. We celebrated Nate's birthday which was falsely advertised in the invitation. We were invited to the San Francisco Armory, but received a clarification stating that it was actually a bar across the street called the Armory. For many of us, it was a lost opportunity to visit the San Francisco Armory under the pretense of celebrating Nate's birthday, but Nate's party was pretty darn good, and we all forgave him. He is really easy to forgive, that is if you actually ever get mad at him. I am grateful for my joon, Nasim. I am grateful for my friends Jeni and Mark, who make me feel alive simply via a chat message. I am grateful that I know Nate, an incredible human being who makes every person feel special and unique, and in his company, you can only see the joys in life. I am grateful that in my 10 months at Jobvite, I connected with incredible people who I feel I have been friends with all my life. 

Wow, I am only halfway there, and the next gratitude is so huge that it deserves it's own blog post. Not to mention the many gratitudes that I have yet to write about for December alone. I will end this blog by saying that I am grateful that I have so much to be grateful for. 

The hiking chronicles: stories of friendships, love and advocacy - the early days

It wouldn't be an exaggeration if I said I have thousands of photos, to be precise, iPhone photos, of my hikes. Over the last few years, I have hiked uncountable miles, mostly in Woodside.

I cannot remember precisely when I got interested in hiking. I always loved walking, but going into the woods on trails was something that was new to me. I remember the first time I struggled up the Alambique trail in Wunderlich Park. It took several stops before I made it past the first half mile of that steep incline. The friend I was hiking with is an amazing storyteller, and her funny stories made the huffing and puffing worse as laughing itself was quite difficult. I somehow made it that day, but the best part of the day was really the delicious burger we treated ourselves to after the hike. This is before Facebook and iPhone, and there was no bragging since I was not really sure it was worth bragging that I hiked a little over 3 miles in 4 hours.

After listening to me talk with such wonder about the beauty of hiking, my close friend Aloma said she knew of the perfect place to try next. It was the weekend of the 4th of July in 2004. We headed to Purisima Creek in Half Moon Bay. We picked the longest trails, because, yeah, we knew we could do it. We went up to Skyline and back. We saw the Pacific Ocean and Mount Tamalpais from an amazing location. We walked, we talked, and ate all our snacks. It was just a little over seven and a half miles. We crawled back to our car. We still felt great, until it was time to get out of the car. And we could barely move! I think we lay flat for hours for the fatigue and soreness to leave us. I still remember that beautiful day, and I repeated the hike with a group of people a couple of years later. That second time, it was on a Sunday morning after a sleepover at my house the night before. A sleepover where we had to force ourselves to go to bed at midnight since we had to be up early to hike.

Aloma and I wizened up a little, and picked shorter hikes after that adventure. The real adventure started a few weeks later after a friend generously gave me his book on the best hiking trails in California. Little did I know that reading the words and navigating a trail are very different things. Maps only confused me more, and it didn't help that my orientation did not always match that of the map. We hiked every trail in Pacifica and Woodside, carrying the big book with us to guide us. We often got stuck on very narrow trails at the edge of a precipice. Talk about being paralyzed with fear!! More than once, we had to crawl on our butts to make it to a safer path.

One of my favorite memories is what I call "the cobwebs incident". As Aloma and I were slowly making  our way down on the Bear Gulch trail in Wunderlich reading the fat hiking book. Aloma was reading out loud, and said something about the beauty of the Redwoods clearing the cobwebs in our heads. Just as she was done reading that, we found ourselves suddenly surrounded by the most amazing Redwood trees, and cobwebs! The cobwebs were everywhere! Small and big, and I as a spider-hater, I hate to admit that they were beautiful! We burst out laughing as we both had the exact same thought. The cobwebs in our head would soon join the ones left there by previous hikers :). 

For Aloma and I, hiking was never about the exercise or the great outdoors. It was a chance to talk, bond, eat, and spend time together uninterrupted by anything else. We laughed, we vented, we strengthened an already strong friendship. And somewhere along the way I fell in love with the trails, the Redwoods, the fresh air, and the exhilarating feeling of accomplishment every time I conquered a difficult uphill trail. 

I dedicate this post to my bestie who got me into something I love so much now, for listening to me for hours with no sign of escape, and for inspiring me to perfect my spicy egg toast that I made for our hikes. 

Pictures below are courtesy of another very patient friend who humored me by being the photographer.

Making a connection, building a bond

When I received confirmation that I was selected to be a Techwomen Cultural Mentor, I was ecstatic! I could not wait to find out more about my Emerging Leader, who is from Algeria, and connect with her. And while I waited for an email from her, the uncertainty set in - what if we don't connect, what if we have nothing to talk about, what if we have nothing in common?

Sara, my mother's name. Sarrah, my niece, named after my mother. And Sarra, the name of my Emerging Leader, the first thing in common. When I received the very warm and loving email introduction, my first response was to tell her that she had my mother's name. When I first met her on a Skype call, and she told me that this would be her first time leaving her country, and even getting on a plane, I found the other common thread. And when I asked her what airline she was flying, it turned out it was Lufthansa, the same airline I took when I arrived in the US. Wait, there is more! I was the same age as Sarra when I left Bombay to come to the US!

Needless to say, we connected instantly, in the first email, over the Skype call, and in that first very special hug when we met in person. Spending the day with her has already enriched my life. In her, I see so many young women who aspire to do great things, break barriers, and accomplish the impossible. I am looking forward to the one month that I get to spend with her and the other Emerging Leaders who are here from many different countries.

A big Hurray for the amazing Emerging Leaders of Techwomen 2014!!

People are more generous than you give them credit for!

I would like to begin 2014 by posting a blog article I wrote for NatureBridge.

Fee Free Weekend with NatureBridge At Yosemite National Park

The generosity of individuals is the highlight of this article, and I hope that we will continue to think of others in the coming weeks, months and years.