Call me crazy..... A blog for my birthday

It's raining! It's cold! And it's 6 am on a Sunday morning! The first thought after texting, "yes, we are" to Sheena's question, "the sky is falling, are we still on?" was to stay under the covers for 15 more minutes. But I was wide awake, and instead of wanting to go back to sleep or curling up with a book, I wanted to get into my warm rain-proof clothes and hit the road! 

Yes, call me crazy, but Geralyn and Sheena have made waking up early on Sunday mornings somewhat of an adventure to look forward to. 

From the first time that Geralyn showed up to hike with me, really nervous about being able to keep up and finish what I claimed was an easy 3 mile loop, to the day she asked when we would hike the 13 mile loop I had promised, it has been months of very joyful hikes every weekend. And then Sheena came along for a 13 mile hike, breaking all kinds of records on her first day using her Fitbit. The jewel in the crown - Geralyn's idea to hike at Land's End followed by brunch at Louis' for Sheena's birthday. Aloma joining us was a big bonus! 

We walked, we laughed, we took a lot of pictures. And we started a new tradition - birthday celebrations at Land's End! 

Call me crazy, because I started my birthday morning by waking up at 4:45 am, driving my cousin to the airport, and then heading out for my practice 10K to prepare for the Thanksgiving Gobble Wobble. I answered birthday calls, texts and Facebook messages while on my walk/run. And I spent some time thinking back on the year since I wrote my first blog for my birthday. 

This year, I did a few things that most people who know me would consider either crazy or just not me! I made choices that would normally scare me, I made decisions that were unlike me. I learned that, in life, you often feel that you are rationalizing decisions to reconcile them with your core values, but when you are rooted in those values, you are simply finding ways to make sure that your decisions don't go against them. This allowed me to open my heart to new friendships, and embrace people I felt I had nothing in common with (and could never work with). It made me a believer in second chances, for myself and for others. 

Among other things, I spent a whole day in Disneyland wearing a tutu, and even danced with the band. And I wore pink Minnie Mouse ears with a red tutu - shockingly unfashionable! I climbed on a fallen tree, and tried to balance on it. I crawled up on a tree trunk, and pretended to sleep (while getting sticky sap all over my clothes). 

Call me crazy, but I believe that being in the company of nature with someone else who believes in you is the most therapeutic thing you can do for yourself. 

I am going to end this birthday blog with a quote from Sheena that is going to be my mantra. 

"Ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no selfie hard enough" 

The hiking chronicles: stories of friendships, love and advocacy - the early days

It wouldn't be an exaggeration if I said I have thousands of photos, to be precise, iPhone photos, of my hikes. Over the last few years, I have hiked uncountable miles, mostly in Woodside.

I cannot remember precisely when I got interested in hiking. I always loved walking, but going into the woods on trails was something that was new to me. I remember the first time I struggled up the Alambique trail in Wunderlich Park. It took several stops before I made it past the first half mile of that steep incline. The friend I was hiking with is an amazing storyteller, and her funny stories made the huffing and puffing worse as laughing itself was quite difficult. I somehow made it that day, but the best part of the day was really the delicious burger we treated ourselves to after the hike. This is before Facebook and iPhone, and there was no bragging since I was not really sure it was worth bragging that I hiked a little over 3 miles in 4 hours.

After listening to me talk with such wonder about the beauty of hiking, my close friend Aloma said she knew of the perfect place to try next. It was the weekend of the 4th of July in 2004. We headed to Purisima Creek in Half Moon Bay. We picked the longest trails, because, yeah, we knew we could do it. We went up to Skyline and back. We saw the Pacific Ocean and Mount Tamalpais from an amazing location. We walked, we talked, and ate all our snacks. It was just a little over seven and a half miles. We crawled back to our car. We still felt great, until it was time to get out of the car. And we could barely move! I think we lay flat for hours for the fatigue and soreness to leave us. I still remember that beautiful day, and I repeated the hike with a group of people a couple of years later. That second time, it was on a Sunday morning after a sleepover at my house the night before. A sleepover where we had to force ourselves to go to bed at midnight since we had to be up early to hike.

Aloma and I wizened up a little, and picked shorter hikes after that adventure. The real adventure started a few weeks later after a friend generously gave me his book on the best hiking trails in California. Little did I know that reading the words and navigating a trail are very different things. Maps only confused me more, and it didn't help that my orientation did not always match that of the map. We hiked every trail in Pacifica and Woodside, carrying the big book with us to guide us. We often got stuck on very narrow trails at the edge of a precipice. Talk about being paralyzed with fear!! More than once, we had to crawl on our butts to make it to a safer path.

One of my favorite memories is what I call "the cobwebs incident". As Aloma and I were slowly making  our way down on the Bear Gulch trail in Wunderlich reading the fat hiking book. Aloma was reading out loud, and said something about the beauty of the Redwoods clearing the cobwebs in our heads. Just as she was done reading that, we found ourselves suddenly surrounded by the most amazing Redwood trees, and cobwebs! The cobwebs were everywhere! Small and big, and I as a spider-hater, I hate to admit that they were beautiful! We burst out laughing as we both had the exact same thought. The cobwebs in our head would soon join the ones left there by previous hikers :). 

For Aloma and I, hiking was never about the exercise or the great outdoors. It was a chance to talk, bond, eat, and spend time together uninterrupted by anything else. We laughed, we vented, we strengthened an already strong friendship. And somewhere along the way I fell in love with the trails, the Redwoods, the fresh air, and the exhilarating feeling of accomplishment every time I conquered a difficult uphill trail. 

I dedicate this post to my bestie who got me into something I love so much now, for listening to me for hours with no sign of escape, and for inspiring me to perfect my spicy egg toast that I made for our hikes. 

Pictures below are courtesy of another very patient friend who humored me by being the photographer.

Making a connection, building a bond

When I received confirmation that I was selected to be a Techwomen Cultural Mentor, I was ecstatic! I could not wait to find out more about my Emerging Leader, who is from Algeria, and connect with her. And while I waited for an email from her, the uncertainty set in - what if we don't connect, what if we have nothing to talk about, what if we have nothing in common?

Sara, my mother's name. Sarrah, my niece, named after my mother. And Sarra, the name of my Emerging Leader, the first thing in common. When I received the very warm and loving email introduction, my first response was to tell her that she had my mother's name. When I first met her on a Skype call, and she told me that this would be her first time leaving her country, and even getting on a plane, I found the other common thread. And when I asked her what airline she was flying, it turned out it was Lufthansa, the same airline I took when I arrived in the US. Wait, there is more! I was the same age as Sarra when I left Bombay to come to the US!

Needless to say, we connected instantly, in the first email, over the Skype call, and in that first very special hug when we met in person. Spending the day with her has already enriched my life. In her, I see so many young women who aspire to do great things, break barriers, and accomplish the impossible. I am looking forward to the one month that I get to spend with her and the other Emerging Leaders who are here from many different countries.

A big Hurray for the amazing Emerging Leaders of Techwomen 2014!!

Leaning In with Merline Saintil

The Palo Alto Lean In Circle had the pleasure of hosting Merline Saintil at our August meeting. To many of us, she is a celebrity who is number 6 on the Business Insider's list of 22 most powerful women engineers. However, there was nothing celebrity-like with her interactions with the 50 people in that room. She was honest and generous with her insights, and connected so well with the people in the room that it almost felt like talking to a long-time friend.

In the Q&A session, Merline provided very valuable insights. I am still in awe of her, and also want to quote a few other members who attended -  

“Merline was amazing. Such a gifted inspiring person. We were lucky to be able to meet her in such an intimate setting”

“I was so happy to attend and hear "HER STORY" she is so smart and I loved her humble viewpoints on the Silicon Valley bubble also”

“Great presentation by Merline Saintil and great questions by the circle participants!”

Merline not only provided us with her pearls of wisdom, but stayed for almost an hour after to talk to many of us, and even did what many members do after being asked to vacate the room - hang out in the parking lot and continue the conversation. 

Merline, I cannot express in words how grateful we all for sharing your evening with us, and inspiring so many women! A special thank you for signing my notes! 

I am sharing my notes from the evening with everyone, as wisdom like this is powerful, and will make each one of us happier "in our own skin". 

Staying relevant and being authentic were weaved into many of Merline’s responses. She spoke candidly about happiness at work and career pivots, and emphasized the value of relationships and networking. 

Some of Merline’s insights on women and careers: 

·         Network, network, network

·         Happiness with your career comes from what you are good at intersecting with what you are passionate about

·         Spend an hour every week on reflection

o    Women juggle so many responsibilities at work and home that they sometimes forget to spend time on themselves

o    Reflect on what / where are the gaps, ask for coaching or help from friends

·         Stay relevant

o    Even if you are juggling roles at work, or are working in a generalized area, make sure you are honing your skills with side projects

·         Balance is a myth

o    Focus on an equal partnership

o    Women can achieve more with sharing responsibilities at home than doing it all

·         Career pivots can be great opportunities to grow

o    Be honest with yourself, and be intentional about what you want from a certain experience

o    Try something new, and figure out how you can make an impact

o    What are your interests and how can you make a contribution

o    Always look at the risks and rewards of making a change

o    Before making a pivot, validate it is what you want by finding a way to experience it

·         The “wow” factor - once this wears off, start looking for a change

o    Don’t stay if you are not performing at your peak, or getting bored

·         Focus on your own definition of success

o    Find a way of measuring your own success

o    What success looks like to you is what will make you happy

o    Be comfortable in your own skin wherever you are

·         Be authentic

·         Careers are about relationships - build your network

·         Change is the only constant

·         Manage your own time and determine priorities

Merline also had candid responses to the questions on lack of women in STEM and leadership roles, and the recent diversity numbers released by Silicon Valley companies. Fewer women in the pipeline is a big factor in the lack of women in the STEM workforce. She encouraged women in STEM careers to stay in the workforce, and find ways to make career pivots. As more women get into leadership positions at major companies, the trend will also change for women on boards. 

She also asked women in the room to promote organizations that encourage young girls to pursue STEM careers - and of course, make sure that you are practicing this at home and with your own friends and family. The investment in coding programs for girls by major companies is a step in the right direction, but each one of us can do more.

My takeaways from the conversation:

·         Stay relevant

·         Change is constant

·         Make an impact

·         Be authentic

·         Network, network, network

What makes you happy at the end of a rough day?

It was a rough day, in many ways. On my way home, I did not think I could hold one more thought, and just wanted to go to bed! And then I saw the text message, "hey, are we still on for 7pm?". This was not a dinner or movie outing. It was a call with a young woman I am mentoring. We had planned a Skype call at 7pm for her to practice interview questions, and I was wondering if I would be able to even listen past the first few words!

It was the best part of my day!

The minute I got on the call, I saw the face of someone who wants my help and appreciates it. I saw someone who is struggling more than the person who practically ruined my day. And every cell in my body switched into mentor mode.

One of my coworkers, a person who I admire and highly respect, spoke about empathy a couple of weeks ago, and presented the concept of filling someone's bucket with a little happiness. The one thing I do every morning is fill hers by thanking her.

I will go to bed tonight feeling very rewarded that I made a small impact on someone's life. If you are in a position to make a difference in someone's life, the time to do it is now.

Keep calm and love your lean in homework

This article is inspired by the Lean In education video titled “Creating a Level Playing Field” – http://leanin.org/education/creating-a-level-playing-field/

In one of her six solutions to reduce bias, Professor Shelley Correll suggests that women, especially those in leadership positions, should vouch for and endorse the competence of other women in their organization. We must highlight “her” accomplishments, skills and contributions, and also pay attention when expressing a subconscious bias (such as introducing women as warm, hard-working and helpful whereas using words like brilliant and highly skilled for men).

Prof. Correll points out that we can start using this solution right away, regardless of our position in the organization. Our circle took this a step further, and decided that we want to vouch for and recommend the women in our circle. The facilitator of our circle created a homework assignment in which a circle member partnered up with another woman in the circle, and got to know them over a 3 month period. At the end of the 3 months, they would write a LinkedIn recommendation for each other which highlighted the skills and talents that they learned of and recognized in their homework partner.

When I started this assignment, I was excited at the idea of making new friends and getting to know other women in different professions and at different career levels. The assignment made me focus on 2 important things. First, I would always present myself in the most positive way possible, and talk about my skills and talents with another woman. Secondly, I focused on asking questions that would make me learn of the positive things about my homework partner. Both of these were very rewarding, as I found myself practicing story telling in a positive way, and I learned so much about the career and personal life of my partner, and how their skills and contributions led them to their accomplishments.

My 3 months are up, and I am now focused on writing recommendations for the brilliant women I partnered up with. I have made new friends and learned so much about the life and careers of my homework partners, but most of all, I have learned that focusing on the positive in myself and others has inspired me to learn more about other women’s accomplishments, highlight my skills and those of others around me more, and to Lean In!