“What makes your
problems so much bigger than everyone else’s?”
“They’re mine!”
--- Ally McBeal
In no particular
order, I present to you my 2018 list of existential problems. As these are
subject to change, and their priority will never be consistent, I did not want
to waste any time on force ranking them. Right there is a big problem – force
ranking problems that are existential.
In September of
last year, I stated this while eating an early lunch after a long walk along
the Pacifica beach with my Pacifica family – “hangryness is another issue that
does not get enough attention, much like ageism”. To me, this is the definition
of an existential problem if ever one existed. To be hungry, and then angry,
leading to hangryness, is likely one of the worst feelings an otherwise calm,
cool, sarcastic, humorous and generally jovial person can experience. If you
are wondering how I know I stated this in September, 2017 – it’s because I
wrote it down. I write most things down to mitigate another existential problem
– not remembering the coolest things I ever said and when I said them. I also
write down the coolest things other people say, too, for the same reason.
Siri has managed
to learn that I appreciate sarcasm and a sense of humor. But the weather is
serious business. And one morning when I asked Siri, what is the temperature
right now, Siri proceeded to say, “It doesn’t matter what temperature the room
is, it’s always room temperature. Just kidding… it’s 48oF outside”.
I’m sure you’ve heard Siri say funnier things when prompted, but this response
to a weather question was shocking enough for me to take a screen shot (once
again, so I would never forget). I’ve forgotten why this is an existential
problem, but I think it should be.
I am generally a
grateful person, but sometimes not grateful enough. In August of last year,
while enjoying the beauty of the island of Hawaii, I stalked friends on social
media who traveled to Oregon to watch the eclipse, and felt intensely jealous.
I don’t even know if I would have traveled to Oregon myself to watch it happen,
but I felt envious regardless, and chided myself for not organizing my calendar
well. My extraordinarily synced calendar does not have events like the total
solar eclipse automatically listed on it, and there are no flags or
notifications when you plan something at the same time. I suppose this
paragraph has two problems – my wavering gratefulness and my calendar.
Pepsi or Coke? I
like Pepsi more than Coke. Drink something like 2 a year. I switched to Coke
after the offensive ad featuring Jenner, but I think this can be a low priority
problem until I start consuming more soda and have a credible impact on the
soda industry.
I don’t have
Bran’s vision. If I did, I would tell you everything. For a small fee, of
course. And I would not accept daggers from slimy people with slimy names like
Littlefinger. This was probably the most frustrating part about Game of Thrones
– waiting for Bran to let us see what he sees, which we eventually did, but not
at the time of my noting this down on August 6, 2017. If you don’t watch GoT, it’s your problem.
I think that’s
plenty of existential problems to chew on and prioritize for now. And there are
plenty more where these came from (my downloaded Facebook timeline).
To end this post, another
quote (and warning) from Ally McBeal – “Even if I get past all of my problems, I’m just going
to get new ones”
