Desires, boundaries, and my secrets of adulthood

Desire 
Noun: desire; plural noun: desires
a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.

Boundary
Noun: boundary; plural noun: boundaries
something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.

It has been a few years since I posted this list, the last one being Actions, reactions, and my secrets of adulthood back in 2017.  Everyone who knows me knows my love for lists, and don't worry, I still created plenty of lists, and even actioned many of them. As always, I looked back at my previous posts with lists, both for inspiration and to check what has changed. The inspiration is never lacking and the changes, some positive, some not, add a different perspective to the new list. 

Looking at the previous 2 lists, I realized that it is a list of desires. Some of these desires are hopeful and optimistic, some are wishful thinking. The desires that matter the most to me mean nothing to many I considered family, and challenging them only results in my exclusion as an "other" who does not matter. 

I am, therefore,  focusing on a list of desires with boundaries. 

Boundaries which will not change my values based on the situation and my own privilege. Boundaries which will change my actions and reactions to micro-aggressions and prejudice.

• What you do every day matters more than what you do once in while (from Rubin's list).

• Life is short, surround yourself with people who say only good things to you, as long as you never find out what they say behind your back. 

• It is okay to walk away from people whose values don't resonate with you. What you don't know cannot hurt you. 

• Responding to messages is often better than initiating them; saves you from wondering what you did wrong for not getting a timely response.

• Enjoy what you like openly and without guilt. And say no to what you don't like without guilt.

• Ignore others' opinions of your activism; do what is right. 

• There is nothing wrong with being a single issue voter. Vote only for your own self interest. 

• Speak out because you care, first and foremost for yourself, as no one else will stand up for you unless you stand up for yourself. 

• It's okay to give up and move on. 

If some of these things seem strange to those who know me, well,  instead of waiting for the world to change, I changed. As they say, if you can't beat them, join them. 

One of my all time favorite quotes is the one Sarah Kendzoir published in her blog on Nov 9th, 2016 - "If you are brave, stand up for others. If you cannot be brave, and it is often hard to be brave, be kind"

This post is dedicated to the very special people in my life who stood up for me and those who were kind to me when I needed it. And a big thank you to the special friend who vetted this list; chatting with her every day elevates my spirit.