Smiling all day :)

I smiled all day! At people I could see, at people on the phone, at people on my monitor, at my headset, even at the bathroom door! I want to capture this feeling and save it for a day when I feel like throwing things at all of the above. 

This is the power of gratitude! 

I got to work a little after 7am, and scanned my emails before dialing into my 7:30 call. I only had time to read a few, and even less time to respond to any. Of the three I read, one started with "Thank you" in the subject. Thank you notes are so special, they always make the priority list. It was no ordinary thank you note. Written by one of my toughest clients, it elevated my spirit and I knew that no matter what happened, nothing could ruin my day today. With 4 back-to-back calls, no time for breakfast, and just a few minutes to get coffee, reading that email every time a tough moment was about to arrive just made everything easier. 

A couple of years ago, I received a similar email. It blew me away, and I think I fell from my chair. My ridiculous but genuine response was, "believe it or not, I am speechless". I didn't just save this email, I created a special folder for it. 

My response today was genuine but slightly more polished. I didn't create a folder for it, or add it to my Love Letters folder. I left it in my inbox as an unread email. Now I see it every time I go over my unread emails. 

I will wake up tomorrow and think about this. And tomorrow, I will wish two very amazing women a Happy Birthday! A friend whose passion for volunteering brought us together, and whose wit, charm, and compassion kept me wanting to be a part of her life. She was also my SQL accountability partner, amongst other things, and I know I wouldn't have made it without her. I will celebrate the birthday of my niece, whose intelligence, talent, perseverance and can-do attitude will inspire many others. She is an amazing young woman who is doing great things, and I can't wait to celebrate her future successes! 

Still smiling :)

Three birthdays and a joyful blog

Twenty years ago, I met a little girl, standing at the entrance with her brother, holding a drawing book with blank pages. It was a cold, snowy winter day in Chicago, and all I could think of was getting inside and warming up. As soon as I took off my coat and shoes, I was handed the books along with crayons and pencils, and asked to paint. I am not sure what my aunt told these kids, but they pretty much stayed by my side until I had painted a few flower pots, and the only reason I finally got to stop is when one of the kids, I don't remember which one, asked me if I knew how to paint anything besides flower pots. Phew, saved by the boring flower pots!

One of them celebrated a birthday this month! An amazing young woman, who remembers me for the popcorn and soda at the movies, and not the (thank goodness) flower pots I painted when we first met. She tires me with her constant talking (sounds just like me at her age), annoys me with her defense of Tiger Woods' multiple affairs, baffles me with her checklists, exhilarates me with her willingness to take selfies, but mostly, inspires me with just who she is - a talented, committed, beautiful, young woman who is doing great things, and will always be an inspiration to many!

Three people I love celebrated a birthday this weekend. Unlike my cousin above, I met this friend on a somewhat warm, extremely late evening (if you call almost 11pm an evening) in Bombay, at her wedding. I was trying to get to the wedding reception of my friend, and after several expert directions from locals which made us go around in circles for 2 hours, I finally made it after the dinner had been cleared, the wedding cake was gone, and the bouquet was about to be tossed. I could not wait for her to move to Chicago so I could clear up my sterling reputation of always being on time. Over the years, she has become one of my closest friends, someone in whose presence I can completely be myself, someone who makes me laugh often at her own expense, someone who is always there for me, and someone who probably has never had to take selfies with anyone besides me. The jokes we have shared are not repeatable even anonymously, as she will surely kill me.

Last, but not the least, a charming and joyous human being who I have known less than a year, who makes every day, or at least weekdays, something to look forward to. Always calm, almost always smiling (yes, there is the occasional frown), always dapper, always willing to help, and always available for a hug, he makes open office plans kind of awesome for those who sit across from him.

I am very blessed that I get to celebrate amazing human beings like these everyday, even when it's not their birthday.

Yearful - a reflection on my first year of blogging

Last January, I created this blog, with lofty goals of blogging at least twice a month. I had quite a good run in January with 9 posts, which helped average out for the occasional decline that happened during the following months. The blog was a stretch goal for 2014, and accomplishing a stretch goal in the first week of the year was the wind beneath the wings of the other goals. Since I sometimes struggle to keep up with the twice a month, I am going to start the first post of 2015 with a reflection on why do this at all.

First, the goal itself. Why blog? A few years ago, a friend's mom, a woman I admire and love deeply, said to me, "you have a lot to say, you have a way of expressing an opinion and you must write so it is never forgotten". Inspired by her words, I started a journal. Soon, the journal was buried amongst a stack of other things, never shared with anyone, and the writing completely forgotten. When setting goals for 2014, my biggest challenge was personal goals. I did not need to lose weight (I do this year, but not then), I already had an exercise goal, and some of my professional goals were tied to personal development as well. I randomly picked a chapter in a book, in which the author wrote about how starting a blog was one of her biggest challenges, and once she started one, it was one of the most satisfying experiences. I created one on the same day!

Ah, the joys of picking a color, a background, a picture. Red - easy, my favorite color. Picture - when in doubt, just go with the Facebook profile picture, right? Background - the profile picture. That was mostly impulsive at the time, but when I look back, subconsciously, I picked a picture that is a reflection of myself. Wearing one of my favorite outfits, a hairstyle I love, with my favorite cocktail in front of me, my phone right where I can reach it, a gift box from my favorite store, and most importantly, in the company of some of the people I love the most, at a restaurant celebrating my birthday.

After writing a few posts, I wrote what I call a birthday blog. The first of a few, it made me reflect on the many valuable friendships I have, and the amazing memories that bring so much joy and laughter.

It wasn't all just personal. One of my Lean In articles was included in another blog, a recipe was included in a food blog, an article about Merline Saintil was tweeted by none other than the amazing woman herself, and I have a recipe published in a book!

It's 2015 - what now? Coming up - the January 17th birthday blog, and a new recipe.

Thanks to all those who read my blog, and always send me encouraging words which often inspire the next blog (or at least a Facebook post).

Cheers to 2015!

My joon

"joon" - from the word "jan" that means life, "joon" is an affectionate term used after a person's name, usually for a sister, daughter or close friend. 

My joon is beautiful inside and out, inspires everyone around her to be better, and as far as I know, is loved by one and all.

In September of this year, I started posting 3 daily gratitudes, and even blogged about it. My joon, who rarely checks Facebook, joked about when she would be featured as a gratitude. I always said that she would be featured as the 3rd gratitude on day 21, as I was saving the best for the last. Well, I continued posting past the 21 days, and just never came up with that special day when I posted her as my gratitude.

My joon, it's not because I didn't have anything to say, but it's because I had too much to say.

You are one of those special people who makes life beautiful just by being there, always extending a helping hand with a welcoming smile. Whether it is gracefully playing ping pong even when there is a good chance your opponent will win, carving a pumpkin with highly competitive and creative teams watching your every move, or pushing 300 lbs of canned food for our Second Harvest Challenge, you always bring your best self.

Wherever you go, you will be valued, cherished, and always missed by the people you spent your days with before.

Good luck with your new adventure!

Celebrating memories and making new ones - a blog for my birthday

I had a milestone birthday this month. At 46, I have outlived my mother, who we lost very early in life. With every passing birthday, I wonder what it would be to have her around today, and how life would be different with her in it. Although a mother is irreplaceable in pretty much every way, the people in my life have made it easier for me to navigate life with their love, kindness, generosity, and of course, their patience.

On this birthday, I am grateful for the people who have always held my hand, and nudged me along to make it possible for me to be where I am today.

I am grateful that I started my birthday month by visiting friends who I have known for more than 25 years. It helped that they presented me with birthday gifts - beautiful, practical, and small enough to fit in my bag. The origami flower didn't keep it's shape, but I am still keeping it.

I am grateful that I spent more time with my new friends from around the world before they made their journey back home.

I am grateful that I hugged the amazing woman who risked a lot to come here, and who does not know how she will get back to her home country. 

I am grateful that every year, thanks to the advances in technology, I am able to cherish birthday messages from family and friends around the world. Of course, I am grateful for my Smartphone that allowed me to multi-task between calls, text messages, Facebook, and Whatsapp so I didn't miss any birthday greetings.

Happy birthday to me!

 

Making a connection, building a bond

When I received confirmation that I was selected to be a Techwomen Cultural Mentor, I was ecstatic! I could not wait to find out more about my Emerging Leader, who is from Algeria, and connect with her. And while I waited for an email from her, the uncertainty set in - what if we don't connect, what if we have nothing to talk about, what if we have nothing in common?

Sara, my mother's name. Sarrah, my niece, named after my mother. And Sarra, the name of my Emerging Leader, the first thing in common. When I received the very warm and loving email introduction, my first response was to tell her that she had my mother's name. When I first met her on a Skype call, and she told me that this would be her first time leaving her country, and even getting on a plane, I found the other common thread. And when I asked her what airline she was flying, it turned out it was Lufthansa, the same airline I took when I arrived in the US. Wait, there is more! I was the same age as Sarra when I left Bombay to come to the US!

Needless to say, we connected instantly, in the first email, over the Skype call, and in that first very special hug when we met in person. Spending the day with her has already enriched my life. In her, I see so many young women who aspire to do great things, break barriers, and accomplish the impossible. I am looking forward to the one month that I get to spend with her and the other Emerging Leaders who are here from many different countries.

A big Hurray for the amazing Emerging Leaders of Techwomen 2014!!

Simple gratitudes

It is just a coincidence that around the same time that several of my Facebook friends started posting 3 things they are grateful for for five days, I happened to watch 2 TED talks that touched on this. Well, not touched on it but were about the importance of actively thinking of what we are grateful for. The first, the happy secret to better work by Shawn Achor, is highly entertaining even as it touches on some very serious points about happiness. And unlike the easy five day challenge, he wants people to list the 3 gratitudes for 21 days. I loved the talk and subconsciously practiced some of the things that come up in a slide towards the end of the talk, but it was the 3 A's of awesome by Neil Pasricha that inspired, and continue to inspire, my daily list.

Shawn's talk inspired me to take action, and Neil's talk inspired me to keep it simple. I have always believed that happiness comes from appreciating the simple things that surround us and have an impact on us everyday.

When I saw the elderly woman who walks her dog every day after a week's absence, it made me happy. The full moon, which I always take a picture of (only to delete it when I am out of storage), excites me. The cat that runs off when I walk to the window makes me smile. When someone patiently waits for me as I back out of a parking space (usually very very slowly), I want to sing with joy. I also want to get out of the car and thank them, but that would really try their patience!

So yes, I am grateful for my amazing family and friends, the lovely house I live in, the opportunities I have had in life, and the fact that I have the means to write about this. But I am most grateful for the little things that happen to remind me that happiness is not just about the big moments in life, but about the little joys and pleasures that surround us at every moment. Having said that, I am most grateful for the people who don't take me for granted (I think that falls into my biggest gratitudes bucket).

To quote a friend's comment from Facebook - "I love how simple and in the moment your gratitudes are".

And yes, I am also grateful that you read my blog!

Leaning In with Merline Saintil

The Palo Alto Lean In Circle had the pleasure of hosting Merline Saintil at our August meeting. To many of us, she is a celebrity who is number 6 on the Business Insider's list of 22 most powerful women engineers. However, there was nothing celebrity-like with her interactions with the 50 people in that room. She was honest and generous with her insights, and connected so well with the people in the room that it almost felt like talking to a long-time friend.

In the Q&A session, Merline provided very valuable insights. I am still in awe of her, and also want to quote a few other members who attended -  

“Merline was amazing. Such a gifted inspiring person. We were lucky to be able to meet her in such an intimate setting”

“I was so happy to attend and hear "HER STORY" she is so smart and I loved her humble viewpoints on the Silicon Valley bubble also”

“Great presentation by Merline Saintil and great questions by the circle participants!”

Merline not only provided us with her pearls of wisdom, but stayed for almost an hour after to talk to many of us, and even did what many members do after being asked to vacate the room - hang out in the parking lot and continue the conversation. 

Merline, I cannot express in words how grateful we all for sharing your evening with us, and inspiring so many women! A special thank you for signing my notes! 

I am sharing my notes from the evening with everyone, as wisdom like this is powerful, and will make each one of us happier "in our own skin". 

Staying relevant and being authentic were weaved into many of Merline’s responses. She spoke candidly about happiness at work and career pivots, and emphasized the value of relationships and networking. 

Some of Merline’s insights on women and careers: 

·         Network, network, network

·         Happiness with your career comes from what you are good at intersecting with what you are passionate about

·         Spend an hour every week on reflection

o    Women juggle so many responsibilities at work and home that they sometimes forget to spend time on themselves

o    Reflect on what / where are the gaps, ask for coaching or help from friends

·         Stay relevant

o    Even if you are juggling roles at work, or are working in a generalized area, make sure you are honing your skills with side projects

·         Balance is a myth

o    Focus on an equal partnership

o    Women can achieve more with sharing responsibilities at home than doing it all

·         Career pivots can be great opportunities to grow

o    Be honest with yourself, and be intentional about what you want from a certain experience

o    Try something new, and figure out how you can make an impact

o    What are your interests and how can you make a contribution

o    Always look at the risks and rewards of making a change

o    Before making a pivot, validate it is what you want by finding a way to experience it

·         The “wow” factor - once this wears off, start looking for a change

o    Don’t stay if you are not performing at your peak, or getting bored

·         Focus on your own definition of success

o    Find a way of measuring your own success

o    What success looks like to you is what will make you happy

o    Be comfortable in your own skin wherever you are

·         Be authentic

·         Careers are about relationships - build your network

·         Change is the only constant

·         Manage your own time and determine priorities

Merline also had candid responses to the questions on lack of women in STEM and leadership roles, and the recent diversity numbers released by Silicon Valley companies. Fewer women in the pipeline is a big factor in the lack of women in the STEM workforce. She encouraged women in STEM careers to stay in the workforce, and find ways to make career pivots. As more women get into leadership positions at major companies, the trend will also change for women on boards. 

She also asked women in the room to promote organizations that encourage young girls to pursue STEM careers - and of course, make sure that you are practicing this at home and with your own friends and family. The investment in coding programs for girls by major companies is a step in the right direction, but each one of us can do more.

My takeaways from the conversation:

·         Stay relevant

·         Change is constant

·         Make an impact

·         Be authentic

·         Network, network, network

Life is full of happy coincidences

July 26th, just another ordinary day for many but a wedding anniversary for two amazing couples I am lucky to have in my life. As I was looking at their beautiful pictures on Facebook, I was also searching for some documents for my niece. I did not find the documents, but I found a lot of old pictures, some of which were happy memories with one of these friends. Of course, I found even more pictures as I went through a shelf that hasn't been touched in a long time. 

A few texts and messages later, once all the newly discovered pictures were shared, I decided to catch up on other messages. Well, there were two messages about why I was slacking off on blogging. I am behind, maybe, but not slacking off, at least that is my excuse and I am sticking with it. Both friends had specific requests for recipes, which I promise will be posted soon. The best part about the “slacking off” messages – a friend’s 13 year-old son reminded his mom that I had not posted anything in a month! 

The discovery of old pictures was also a reminder of some people I have lost track of over the last few years. That is no longer the case – some of the texts also led to discovering lost friends via other friends, and of course Facebook!

In a few short hours today, I have discovered old pictures, found lost friends, talked about some foods that I enjoyed so much with my friends, and found out that people do read my blog. 

Happy weekend! 

What makes you happy at the end of a rough day?

It was a rough day, in many ways. On my way home, I did not think I could hold one more thought, and just wanted to go to bed! And then I saw the text message, "hey, are we still on for 7pm?". This was not a dinner or movie outing. It was a call with a young woman I am mentoring. We had planned a Skype call at 7pm for her to practice interview questions, and I was wondering if I would be able to even listen past the first few words!

It was the best part of my day!

The minute I got on the call, I saw the face of someone who wants my help and appreciates it. I saw someone who is struggling more than the person who practically ruined my day. And every cell in my body switched into mentor mode.

One of my coworkers, a person who I admire and highly respect, spoke about empathy a couple of weeks ago, and presented the concept of filling someone's bucket with a little happiness. The one thing I do every morning is fill hers by thanking her.

I will go to bed tonight feeling very rewarded that I made a small impact on someone's life. If you are in a position to make a difference in someone's life, the time to do it is now.