My lemon tree is a lemon, and other non-gratitudes #gratitudes

Yes, my lemon tree is a lemon! After 12 years of hoping that it would provide enough juicy lemons to last for weeks, if not months, I am giving up hope. The first few years, there were lemons which provided a few drops of juice if lucky. Now the tree won't even provide any lemons. Oh well! I have to trek to the neighbor's tree with the tall-handled picker to get good lemons. My neighbor's tree has lemons big enough and juicy enough to provide half a cup of juice each!

It was an adventurous week with cooking ingredients. While shopping for mint, I saw Thai basil, and decided to try cooking Thai basil chicken. As is usually the case with my following recipes, I tweaked a few ingredients, but followed the instructions carefully for the basil as I had never used it before. Added it at the very end, and turned off the stove in 20 seconds. Well, the chicken was absolutely delicious but it didn't taste anything like Thai basil chicken. Since I had plenty of basil left over, I attempted it again, with the same result. With absolutely no faith in the third time's the charm nonsense, I added all that was leftover but after the stove was already turned off, and I could now taste the basil. But without the rest of the ingredients, it was not really what I was aiming for, but delicious regardless.

After a long hike on Sunday, I decided that it was going to be an easy pasta day. While shopping for pasta, I sighted egg noodles, and with my new found interest in Thai cooking, I decided to prepare pad kee mao. Things went rather well except the noodles I picked were the short ones meant for chicken noodle soup. Another delicious dish with a slightly off ingredient.

While I am writing about non-gratitudes, it's important to mention that I am still looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and have hiked hundreds of miles in my search. No pot of gold but I am in better shape than I ever was, have seen amazingly beautiful things, and best of all, made a lot of wonderful friends.

This week is off to a good start! Warm and sunny day, and coincidentally, date day with Sucharita. We had a wonderful time at the Half Moon Bay State Park Beach. We were sweating and regretted bringing jackets for backup instead of shorts! Finished the day with Fabiana and Oliver. Fabiana wanted to walk Oliver, but he walked us instead. Now it's time to finish the leftover partly authentic pad kee mao.

Making sense of what to post where #socialmedia

I went to LinkedIn, and they said, "This is a place for professionals, take your politics to Facebook where it belongs" 

I went to Facebook, and they said, "This is a place for pictures, memes and whining about family and friends. Take your politics to Twitter"

I went to Twitter, and they said, "You fucking bitch. I will smash your brown face into the pavement and send you back where you came from" 

It seems that many people have an opinion on what is allowed on a particular social media platform when the platform itself does not care. 

Let's start with LinkedIn. 

Does anyone have any doubt that the federal government is the single largest employer in the country? Is there any doubt that the trade and tax policies made by the government, whether federal or local, impact businesses and employment? Given that who leads the government and makes policies is determined by elections, hence politics, why is politics somehow not an acceptable topic on LinkedIn? What is not acceptable is the number of people who never have a policy-related argument but instead resort to personal attacks on the people publishing articles and to those with whom they disagree. If you don't like politics on LinkedIn, move on to the next thing, which most likely is the millionth article on how to improve something that reading an article will not improve. Or a meme that has been removed from it's original article and shared with a completely different context by thousands of people, who could not be bothered to read the actual article. Seriously, how many times do I have to read an article on a career site that tells me to sleep more and that money does not bring happiness?

And then there is Facebook. 

No, I don't get all my news from Facebook, but I do value the vast amount of information some of my more informed and politically savvy friends post. I find their activism refreshing, inspiring, and yes, challenging! It makes me a more informed and better person. I do find memes annoying, especially when more than 25 of my friends share the same one, but it makes them happy, and it's easy for me to ignore and move on. Facebook can be a reflection of your beliefs, and an easy way to share them. You don't like someone's political posts, move on, or better yet, delete them and let them know why. Like real life, there are those who talk the talk, and there are those who walk the walk. There are those who don't post, don't read, but judge others or stay indifferent. There are those who post and do nothing. There are those who post and take actions in small and big ways. Where you choose to be is up to you. 

That leaves Twitter. 

The platform where you can get the best and worst in information. Twitter is the place I follow newspapers, journalists, entertainers, entrepreneurs, philanthropists, and yes, commentators both liberal and conservative. I also enjoy reading responses to the opinions and articles. This, however, is challenging with it being impossible to filter out the hate speech in every thread, as Twitter is also the platform where you can attack people in cruel and vicious ways without consequences. Unless you are a celebrity with millions of followers and the visibility that forces the Twitter CEO to intervene. I switched to a private profile during the elections, which is fine as I am more interested in what others have to say than being followed by thousands (I barely made it to a 100 followers anyway). 

So, that brings me back to the beginning. If you are going to use social media, either learn to be tolerant, or learn how to ignore what you can't handle. People want to share pictures of their dogs on LinkedIn, let them. I will confess that I judge them, but I will keep it to myself. Keep judging if you must, but stop lecturing others on what they should and should not do on social media. If your responses on Twitter or any other platform begin with or include an insult, maybe it's time to get off social media and join a support group to address your hatred.

Now that I have this out of my system, time to finish my gratitude blog.

When the going gets tough, make some frivolous goals

Since none of the thoughtfully written meaningful blogs are hitting the completion point, I am going to break the drought by publishing a slightly frivolous list of 2017 goals.

Perfect hair coloring technique

My awesome stylist suggested I try coloring my own hair in between visits. The first two attempts earlier this year provided no results as I didn't leave the color in long enough (followed instructions that didn't help). So, I decided to leave it in for not twice, but three times longer than recommended time. Better results, but not "stylist" perfect. At the next attempt, I added the color, did some chores, watched tv, listened to a podcast while I walked around the house, and about 3 hours later, I washed my hair. Well, it was kind of perfect except it was about 4 shades darker than my natural hair color!! I gasped every time I looked in the mirror at the stranger with very dark hair.

Make three pairs of boots as good as new

During a tragic customer call, while my awesome teammates held their head in shock, I jumped into action, and decided to kick the trash can with all the fury I could generate. It had no impact on my teammates shock, but it ripped my boots. People who noticed the tear on the side of the boot assured me that it wasn't really noticeable. I put the pair aside, until small tears mysteriously appeared on two other pairs. Since going to the cobbler isn't really an easy thing to do, I planned all boot-wearing occasions around the last intact pair, which severely limited my ability to pick clothes. Over a few months, I forgot about the tears. Wore the brown boots and noticed that my socks were wet after stepping into a puddle. Took the smartest boots to wear to Kinky Boots, and noticed an expanding tear on the side of the boot when attempting to sit fashionably with the 4-inch heel pointed just right. I am now back to using the one surviving pair and planning clothing around it. The urgency of visiting the few existing neighborhood cobblers has increased significantly!

Fix the Wii 

The TV downstairs is not a "smart" TV, and we have managed to use the dinosaur to watch Prime movies using the Wii. But then we did something smart and got a smart TV for upstairs, and DirectTV with a new internet connection. With the smart TV apps, I have discovered an amazingly unlimited supply of award winning shows on Prime, Netflix and Hulu that make real TV irrelevant and a waste of time! However, sitting in bed during a binge session of 4 episodes of Man in the High Castle or Stranger Things has resulted in neck and back pain. It's also way too bright upstairs during the day. But the Wii does not work like it should, and I have just not devoted enough time to troubleshooting so I can watch Prime and Netflix on the dinosaur TV downstairs from the comfortable sofa!

Ride on the Hyde-Powell cable car with a billowing cape

After wearing a tutu all day in Disneyland for two little girls and a grown up bestie, I have been increasingly but only slightly braver about costumes. I made a tshirt for the Super Hero run to wear with the cape. Well, I bought the plain shirt and paint, and made a friend paint it, but same thing, right? So, when I recently found out that some of my Super Hero friends have not been on the spectacular Hyde-Powell line the right way - on the outside, screaming like you are on a roller coaster when you go over the steep hills, I decided that must happen. And what better way to do it than with our billowing capes? We will save some lives and kill a vampire or two while we are at it.

We can't do everything, but we can do something

I know you either love me enough to read this far or just love my writing. The most frivolous of all is my goal to nag people into reading my upcoming more serious blogs. Nag people to rise above helpnessness and despair, and take action. I need to nag others so I can feed off their positive energy and do more myself. If you read this far and laughed with me, please return the favor and make someone smile. And if you can save the life of a human being who has no place to turn, please donate to SAMS, an organization that selflessly and tirelessly works with desperate people in Syria.

If you prefer something different, please read the below article by Nicholas Kristoff, a personal superhero whose recommendations carry a lot of weight.

Forget the Tie. Give a Gift That Matters.

It's the little things #Maui2016

A little over a year ago, I wrote "It's the little things #Oahu2015". It was a blog about our trip to Oahu that covered a few things that make us laugh even a year later. This time around, the fun started the day before we left at the Pacifica Fog Fest, where many of us got a tan before even packing our bags.

Speaking of packing, the first thing in my bag was the winter coat, not the beach wear. I figured it would be easier to buy swim wear in Maui, but harder to get the necessary warm clothing for the Summit of Haleakala (it was 36 degrees when we went there a few years ago). Since I was checking in a bag, I offered space to those who were not. Turns out I was the only one checking in a bag, and once I added my jacket, the cooler bag, the little one's jacket and raincoat, and other things that were not mine, I ended up taking a carry-on, too. In addition to being anxious about my jacket not making it if the bag was lost by the airline, I was now anxious about the little jacket, too.

All jackets arrived safely in the morning on the flight with me, and the only thing I worried about on the flight was the turbulence caused by Jay's laughter while listening to three podcasts of "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" (using my iPhone and headphones).

The four year old arrived with a lot of energy and a great enthusiasm to explore every body of water. She was quite okay getting up and into the car by 4am to head out to the Summit for the sunrise, but was very confused by why it was so cold in Hawaii. She did provide the best description for our pictures of the spectacular sunrise - "this pictue is in the God books". Keeping in line with the God theme, Jay got instructions to the best fried chicken at the bottom of the mountain from a Jehova's Witness volunteer at the Visitor Center!

We survived the drive back playing I Spy followed by Knock Knock. I Spy was a success. Knock Knock was a success for a different reason. It went something like this -

Lester - Knock Knock
Child - Who's there?
Lester - Child
Child - It couldn't be!! 

We didn't make it past the laughter to continue playing Knock Knock, but we did get in a picnic at a Beach Park, an afternoon in the pool and a teppanyaki dinner at Kobe's in Lahaina. The little one went to bed after firmly stating, "Maui is very tiring".

Arpitha worked on Wednesday, and the rest of us spent the day at the beach. I was told by the little one that building a sand castle is hard work, and we have to work hard. When I told her I was on vacation, and would not work, she changed strategies. She told me vacations are for fun, and building a sand castle was fun. So I agreed. In exchange for helping her, I was rewarded with an exfoliating wet sand back massage by exquisite little hands accompanied by singing.

While I went for a walk the next morning since everyone was still asleep, the late risers conspired to leave for Hana without me. My little angel was not having any of that, and declared, "we cannot leave without Fayeza, and that's the TRUTH!". She made sure I was in the car before we drove off.

Later that evening, Arpitha exposed us to (and may have traumatized us with) YouTube videos called Eye to Eye and Angel by Tahir Shah. I am still traumatized enough to not go to the link to post it here. Because of her, we also went zip lining - something we always wanted to do but never got around to doing!

Jay declared on the way to the airport that we did good, as we had no accidents, we didn't lose anything or anyone. He forgot that he lost two room keys, and still had one in his pocket while going through TSA that he proudly kept just to show he didn't lose that one.

The Summit of Haleakala, the Road to Hana (and beyond to the Pools of Oheo), yoga lessons by the four year old, sand castles, ocean, waterfalls, beaches, hiking, shave ice, luau, and so much more - each of those is linked to a memorable moment, often captured in pictures, but always captured in the ❤️.

So long, Maui!

What I learned from Relay For Life #volunteering

Many of my friends and coworkers have heard me say that I learned the best project management and leadership skills from my 3 years on the leadership team at the Relay For Life of Belmont / San Carlos, two of which I chaired. But that's only a fraction of what I really learned, and the most valuable lessons came from the weekly interactions for the months spent in organizing the events. 

• Do not underestimate the power of human kindness
• Grief is a powerful emotion, use it well 
• No one "has" time to volunteer - those who are motivated "make" time
• When some volunteers drive you crazy, always remember why they are there and your common purpose
• The most important thing in fundraising is the "ask" - if you don't ask, you don't get
• Don't be afraid of, and be offended by, hearing a "no" - not everyone believes in the same causes you do
• Find the right people, train them, and get out of their way - if you can't trust people, they won't be inspired by your leadership
• Practice empathy - it is better than preaching it
• Be grateful - for what you have, what you are capable of doing if you try, and simply recognizing that you can make a difference
• Know when to walk away, even from something you love and are passionate about

This list is not complete, but I am fighting the urge to make this perfect (which means it may not be posted for a very long time).

Parting thought for now - be inspired by kindness, and volunteer for a cause because each one of us can make a difference. My experience with Relay inspired me to volunteer for many other causes, some of which I loved, and some - well, cutting sheetrock was just not my thing :).

Cabbage and potatoes

Sharing my mom's simple cabbage recipe. I am not a huge fan of cabbage but love this recipe. 

I still remember the day, after moving to the U.S., when I purchased a very nice looking head of lettuce in order to cook my mom's recipe of cabbage and potatoes. It definitely did not taste right, and it was only when I finally found the green cabbage (printed labels help) in the grocery store that I realized my mistake. The first image is lettuce, the second cabbage.

Ingredients: 

Approximately 2lbs cabbage, thinly sliced

One medium sized potato, thinly sliced (not more than 1lb)

One medium sized onion, preferably white onion, sliced 

3 green chilies (Thai chillies, preferably), chopped - you can add 1 more chilli if you want spicier flavor

1 1/2 tsp salt

1 tsp coriander powder

1/2 tsp mustard seeds

1 tbsp oil

Fry the onions in the oil on medium until they become translucent. Add the chillies and fry until the onions are light brown. Add the mustard seeds, and fry for 10 seconds. Add the potatoes, salt and coriander powder, and sautée for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add the cabbage, and mix well with the onions and potatoes. Cover and cook on medium heat until cabbage is fully cooked, about 15 minutes. 

Best when served with freshly baked rotis. Can use bread or nan as a substitute, or use as a side with rice. 

Tips: 

If you don't like or cannot handle biting into a green chillies, chop them in large pieces. You will get the flavor when cooking, but can remove the chillies when eating. 

For a saucy texture, you can add one chopped medium sized tomato to the potatoes and onions and fry for a minute before adding the cabbage. This will change the taste of the original recipe. 

Enjoy! 

Pride, prejudice and my secrets of adulthood #pride #equality

At dawn, it dawned on me that it is the last day of the month, and once again I am scrambling to meet my self-imposed deadline for a blogpost. In what I considered to be a difficult month to be inspired to write a joyful gratitude blog, I ended up discovering that we are surrounded by many. Sometimes you have to look, but they are always there. And this led me to create my next list of "my secrets of adulthood". Unfortunately, some gratitudes may be accompanied with a  rant, a sad reflection on the time we live in. 

I ended my blog with my second list of "my secrets of adulthood" with the following comment from my favorite television personality. 

"The best defense against bullshit is vigilance. If you smell something, say something" - Jon Stewart

This is even more true today than a year ago when he said it. In a month that has challenged all of us in still believing in the goodness in humanity, I am truly blessed and will boast that I am surrounded mostly by people who believe in equality, not just for their own kind, but for everyone in the world. More about this in the last paragraph of the blog, but first, my next list of "my secrets of adulthood".

I will kick it off with one that is a repeat from the previous two lists:

What you do every day matters more than what you do once in while (from Rubin's list)
Challenging ignorance is probably the best thing you can do for everyone

Expressing an opinion makes you stronger, when that opinion is based on facts

My marriage has never been and never will be threatened by the marriage of my gay friends

A glass of wine does not fix problems, but it helps put them in perspective

It's okay to be a tad bit, little bit or immensely jealous of other people's adventures

Accepting and admitting your weaknesses makes you stronger, if you work on changing them

Accepting your friends' weaknesses makes your relationships stronger 

And lastly, reconnecting to the first part of my blog -
If you can't challenge your own friends on their bigotry, racism and / or xenophobia, you have no right to discuss how to change the world. 

A few days ago, I took it upon myself to say something when I read some total bullshit in posts by a Mexican-American friend who hates Trump for obvious reasons, but openly posted that she used to think all Muslims are terrorists until.... and posted a video that had somehow transformed her thinking. She went on to encourage and applaud the 2 people who added hateful comments in response to her post. As I did not want to get in the middle of their love-fest for hating other people, I sent her a private message calling her out. Her response - my cousin is a radical, I should just block him. It never occurred to her that he was responding to her statement. I openly challenged classmates on their ignorance when Prop 8 was on the ballot in 2008. That battle was lost not because of religious views but sheer ignorance of those who believe everything they see in a TV ad. It was particularly horrifying to me that these were graduate students with access to information, and chose not to use their brains. 

I truly believe that there is more good than evil, and more good people than evil people in the world. Although it does not feel like it on some days, we are in many ways better off today and will be in the future. This is possible because we have access to more easily available information more than ever before. However, information is not absorbed by breathing - you have to research, know how to look for facts v/s rhetoric, and be open to evolving as a person. Don't blame your culture, your upbringing and lack of knowledge, and don't let others get away with those excuses either. I know my opinions have evolved over the last two decades, and I believe that if you truly believe in equality, it has to be equality for all, no matter their race, ethnicity, religion and sexual orientation. 

I dedicate this blog to the lives lost at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, to those killed at Ataturk airport in Istanbul, to those who are discriminated against because of how they identify themselves in society, and the brave people who stand up for the rights of others. 

Why Bay to Breakers is good for the soul

After coaxing, arm twisting, and several of my best "please, please" faces didn't have the right impact on anyone, I headed out alone on Saturday morning to "train" for my first half marathon. My first time on the concrete trail since Bay to Breakers, which was not kind on my hips and knees. It also didn't help that for the first 10 minutes, all I could think of was that the only thing that would take me past the finish line was faith, not training, as the half marathon was only a week away. As is often the case with me, the forced solitude helped me catch up on things that are otherwise neglected. Two episodes of "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me", one TED talk, and a few songs from my playlist helped me mentally write my next blog, although at the time I did not realize it was so close to the end of the month, my deadline!!

Stephany and I signed up for our first Bay to Breakers in 2011. She was a little excited about dressing up in a costume, a hope that was quickly turned down by me. I was only excited about one thing - it was the 100th year, and there would be a special medal to commemorate the event. Yes, extrinsic rewards matter. A lot! The reputation of the race is always a huge attraction to many, and discourages many, but all I cared about was walking the 12K with Steph. Leading up to the race, we walked 3 evenings a week in the hills of Belmont, and hiked on weekends. We strengthened an already strong friendship, and impressed ourselves by walking 12K in 2 hours and 20 minutes.  And the 2 hours and 20 minutes were not just spent on walking. There was plenty of sight-seeing - costumes, nudists, drunk people drinking more from their camouflaged coffee cups, potheads, and we had no idea if the police were real or people dressed up as cops. We huffed and puffed, and laughed and joked, and got across the finish line. My first ever race completed, and a special anniversary medal to show for it!

Steph and I decided that we would do the Bay to Breakers again in two years, and every two years in the future. And we did. The second time with more training, more running, and still lots of sight seeing. In those two years, I did a few more races, which surprised many of my friends, but mostly me, since I was known to shirk races. 

A year ago, we did our third Bay to Breakers. Training for this one was hard with work schedules and stress. It was, however, the training and focus on the goal of getting to the race that kept us going, especially since we were accountable to each other. We made our usual trip to the expo the day before, picked up freebies we didn't use, bought stuff we didn't need, and pretended to eat the right things in order to prep for the race. 

We also got to see the race through the eyes of our two new team mates, Jeni and Mark. We forgot all the daily stress and enjoyed every minute of the "un"reality of the costumes, the nudists, the drunks, the potheads, and took enough pictures to use up all the memory on our phones (at least, mine). We limped out way to the streets where we could finally get an Uber. And my friendship with Jeni and Mark grew stronger. 

Instead of waiting two years, I decided to do the Bay to Breakers again this year. Maybe because Jeni and Mark agreed to go with me, and perhaps because I liked this year's t-shirt design (yes, the extrinsic reward). They trained for it while I went on a three week vacation to India (where I did train when I could). I skipped the usual expo, and went it only to pick up our bibs and t-shirts. Unlike the past years when I took the first train in, we collectively decided to get there as close to the start time as possible. Instead of carrying snacks, water, layers of clothes, and an external phone charger just in case, I showed up with the official t-shirt, a think shirt over it, and my phone and wallet. And somehow, the race was different, too. We took a lot of pictures as always, but it was more about us and less about the costumes, the nudists, the drunks, and the potheads - although I swear I smelt enough pot to give me a second hand high! We didn't notice the naked people as much, the people in costumes didn't overwhelm or amuse us that much, and we barely stopped for anything other than water. We talked, we laughed, we had some good and many bad jokes to share. Unlike the year before, we walked in the opposite direction to get our Lyft ride back. And since the streets were still closed for the race, we used it as our runway, and I taught Mark how to walk on the catwalk.

My first Bay to Breakers with Steph inspired me to do other races in the future. None of them were about competing, as I only compete with myself, and many times, I am slower than my previous time. It has lowered my inhibitions for trying something new, and it has also encouraged me to push myself, not just physically, but mentally, too. And in a strange way, it has made me more tolerant. I think that explains how I described this last race - we were no longer tourists at the race, but veterans. I did notice the costumes, the nudists, the drunks and the potheads, and I chose to smile and keep walking (or running) instead of staring and judging. There was a costume that even made me wonder how I would look in it, and of course, I decided that a tutu would continue to be my upper limit in th near future. 

If not the only thing, the one thing that will help me cross the finish line in less than a week is faith in myself, Fabiana and Jeni - I hope one or both of them will volunteer to carry me. And the picture that Jeni sent me. 

It's the journey and the destination, and the people who travel with you in life

Yogesh - making fun of me

Me - "I will cry"

Yogesh - continues to make fun of me

Geeta - "she is serious"

Me - tears start streaming down my face as I continue to laugh, talk, and provoke those watching and listening

That was the scene at the gate while we waited for me to board, back in the days when you could accompany passengers to the gate. It was my first trip to India after my dad's death. I was traveling for a very special reason, my brother's wedding. The tears came for so many reasons. Grief, joy, anxiety, anticipation, but mostly because things would never be the same. Geeta and Yogesh held my hands and sat with me until it was time to board. The flight was quite empty, and I got to pick a seat with an entire row to myself. I didn't really drink back then but I had a glass of wine and 2 little bottles of Bailey's Irish Coffee, I settled down to watch the movie on the big screen (no personalized screen on United back then). I wish I remembered the name of the movie as vividly as my reaction to it. I wept thorough the entire movie. The flight attendant stopped by a few times to make sure I was okay. And once the movie was over, I slept like a baby. I landed in Mumbai with only one emotion - joy! 

Last weekend, as I looked at the organized piles of things I needed to pack, I felt overwhelmed with emotion. I had been to India twice since that tearful flight, and my feeling the same way didn't make any sense. I didn't want to pack. No matter what I did, I started over many times as it didn't seem right. And just when I was about to throw in the towel and take a nap instead, Lovey called me. She asked me why I was feeling emotional, and while talking to her, the reasons came to me. 

When those of us who came to the U.S. twenty something years ago, any of us going to India was an event. We got together to pack the bags, made sure shopping lists were complete, wrapped things that could break, attached scotch tape to the covers of all liquids, found all the little spaces in the suitcase where more could be added, and then the inevitable weighing of the suitcases. We did this together, for each other. I remember Manoj spending an entire day packing my suitcase, mentally measuring and weighing everything that went in. He spent so much time on packing that Medha and I watched TV and went to eat as we could not take it any more! I remember Lena, Poonam and Aparna unveiling a rolling carry-on, my first one, as a birthday gift for an upcoming trip to India. Some things are best left out, but I remember many little and big things about the start of each trip. I found the whole experience ridiculous and stressful but enjoyed every moment of it. And while talking to Lovey, I realized that it was one of the things I was emotional about. The stars aligned completely when Aloma and Aleya showed up to help me pack. 

The tears at the airport were during the toughest year of my life. The loss of a parent, giving up the home I grew up in for hopes of a better future for my brother and I, and the uncertainty of life. I survived that year because of the kindest, toughest and most loving people I know. They held me when I was sad, they pushed me to fight when I was struggling, and they were my surrogate parents when I needed one. 

A lot has changed since that trip. My brother has an incredible family, a great present and future, and a home of his own. And while I truly believe in Pico Iyer's words, "home is not where you sleep at night, but where you stand in life", when I think of home, it's my home in Belmont with Jay. 

Living by my 3 A's and stretching towards new goals

Authenticity - being true to one's personality, spirit or character

Accountability - an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's own actions

Advocacy - the art or process of supporting a cause or proposal

Authenticity, accountability and advocacy are my 3 A's, they are my core values, and they influence many of my other values. They influence my decisions, my behavior, and most importantly, my relationships both personally and professionally. I try to live by these values every day, and when I falter, I know it and can feel it's impact. 

I am starting with accountability as it is influencing my writing this blog on the last day of March. I made a commitment to myself to blog at least once a month, and I almost missed out March this year, even though I had 31 days to get it done. I have a list of topics, and I could not get over my wanting that perfect blog for the person I am writing about, and as a result, no blog post. In my areas of improvement last year, I had the below two pictures - clearly I have some work to do, as I am waiting for perfection and most definitely over thinking. 

Of course, that's not all I value with accountability. I like people who are accountable for their actions, I like working in environments where there is accountability for responsibilities and actions, and I also make sure that I take responsibility for my own decisions and actions. Which brings me to the what is really my first value, authenticity. 

I often struggle with authenticity, not because it is difficult to be authentic, but there is so much pressure to be someone I am not. For some, I am too aggressive, and to others, I am too nice. Often, I am too loud, and sometimes people are offended by my honesty, whereas others think I need to be more open. To be empathetic and caring is being too nice. To push people to be accountable for their actions is being too aggressive. I get excited when I am passionate about something, and somehow some people's ears can't handle that, and to tone it down is to not show enough passion. 

On April 1st last year, a very dramatic event happened, which I won't talk about to protect the people who were affected. It brought out the best in me, at least that is how I think of it. I stepped up, I made difficult choices, and I stepped in to help while many others stood by. I was being my authentic self, caring for others before myself, making sure that I could help so the impact of the event was minimized. I was also influenced by my third core value, advocacy. This time, the cause did not involve finding a cure for cancer or eliminating childhood obesity, but the act of simply taking care of one human being. 

The weeks that followed tested every value, and challenged me emotionally and physically. Along with the encouragement and advice by Jay, it was sheer grit that got me through those weeks. Months later, I was asked how I successfully turned around this difficult situation where I was almost ready to leave the project, to one where my client and everyone I worked with wanted me on the project. I had a very clever answer, I think, but honestly, I didn't do anything different. 

I wrote this in my birthday blog a few months ago - "I learned that, in life, you often feel that you are rationalizing decisions to reconcile them with your core values, but when you are rooted in those values, you are simply finding ways to make sure that your decisions don't go against them. This allowed me to open my heart to new friendships, and embrace people I felt I had nothing in common with (and could never work with). It made me a believer in second chances, for myself and for others."

Coming back to the present, I find myself living more by these values every day, and I also hold myself accountable for my own well-being. People who know me are aware that I make plans and have a list for everything. I hope that many of them are also aware that this has to do with a lot of uncertainty that I have faced in my life. Having a schedule keeps me rooted, makes me feel safe. This does not mean that I have a plan for everything, and both at work and in personal life, I go with the flow and react to changes with enthusiasm. 

Although I make plans, I have also been open to changing those plans to fit in someone else's plan. Sometimes this is good, but sometimes, it upsets me. It is good when my plan was to go shopping, and something better came along. It upsets me when someone decided to fit me in because they suddenly have an evening free or just realized that they had not remembered to add me to their plan. 

That brings me to the final part in the blog - adding the goal. I will continue to be me, make plans and have a list (staying authentic). Instead of being upset at others for being inconsiderate, I will change my reaction and be responsible for not their's, but my actions (being accountable to myself). I will advocate for myself like I do for others, and not be afraid to put myself first, especially with those who are not thinking of my best interest (advocate for myself). This will not change what I do to advocate for the causes I believe in. 

In conclusion, it comes down to - say yes when I can (and want to), say no when I have a plan and don't want to change it, and feel good about doing both.